A Definitive Review of the New Lana Del Rey Album - Without Hearing It

'Lust for Life' is out tomorrow but no previews are available so here’s a thorough evaluation from the track titles. And a five-year-old's vision of the art work.

by Laura Taylor
20 July 2017, 12:20am

'Lust for Life' cover art, as illustrated by Hunter Benge.

Still buzzing from my review of Haim's new album, I was presented with the opportunity to review Lana Del Rey's Lust for Life, with one exception—I wasn't allowed to hear it. Unwavering in my determination, I have scrutinised my favourite tracks off Lana's fresh drop without listening to it. You're welcome.

Kicking off the album with a bang, Lana is taking no prisoners using this track, 'Love', to announce her, well, love for G-Eazy. That's right, G-Eazy himself features on the track, spitting rhymes and sending the rumour mill into a spin confirming that he has indeed got Lust for Lana.

13 Beaches
Inspired by this article, '13 Beaches' sees Lana wax lyrical on the 13 must-visit beaches on the Costa Brava.

Get Free
The year is 2013. Lana's new track 'So Legit' has just been leaked and the pop world is on edge as she has brought her beef into the limelight, publicly shaming Lady Gaga with lyrics "Stefani, you suck". Fast-forward to 2017, Lana and Stefani have both done some soul-searching and are ready to 'Get Free' and put this feud to rest, teaming up to make this tearful duet.

God Bless America—And All The Beautiful Women In It
Moved by Trump's evaluation of Brigette Macron as "beautiful", Miss Del Rey makes America great again in this rad track that rates every single beautiful woman in America.

Tomorrow Never Came
Did you enjoy the 1982 classic, Annie? What about the 2014, Cameron Diaz remake? The sun has come out friends, Lana Del Ray is tackling the Broadway classic in her dark rendition that explores the unfortunate circumstances Annie finds herself in if Daddy Warbucks never came to her rescue.

The cafe underneath our work sells these phenomenal cherry danish pastries and yesterday I was enjoying one as per, but instead of the balanced tart/sweet experience I felt my tooth practically crack in half on a stray cherry pit. Turns out Lanz babe has had a similar episode that prompted this bittersweet track.

I will say, I was surprised to find that Lana had moved away from her staple "Hollywood sadcore" to embrace change in the form of a full-instrumental ukulele track, but the world is a better place for it.

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems
The sequel to 'Young and Beautiful', in this song Lana reveals that the protagonist from her hit track does not turn out to still love her when she's not young and beautiful. This melodic ballad addresses the ever-important question, why do beautiful people only have beautiful problems.

White Mustang
Driving in Cars with Boys referenced 'Mommy's Mercedes or Billy's pick up truck', completely bypassing the honourable White Mustang. Here it gets the credit it deserves.

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