Bartenders Tell Us the Worst Stuff They've Done at Work in Six Words

“Wednesday arvo orgy, because of boredom.”

by Laura Roscioli
14 January 2019, 3:26am

Illustrations by Ashley Goodall

I’ve worked in fancy bars for around five years and I can tell you, “fancy” is a facade. You might walk into a cocktail bar to find bartenders adorned in vests and bowties, but we’re all performers. And when the shift is over (or sometimes still going) the suspenders come off, the drugs come out, and literally everything is on the cards. To prove my point I hit up a few of my hospo friends around Australia to get some six-word-snapshots of their trashiest moments. Here’s what they sent back.

“Took a ciggie break to masturbate.” - Ingrid, 26

“Threw a tip jar at someone’s head.” - Chris, 28

“Sex with a co-worker, mid shift.” - Nick, 30

“Drank cocktails from an absinthe fountain.”- Jimmy, 28

“Vomited all over an open till.” - Dave, 32

“Got drunk at a caviar farm.” - Hannah, 28

“Shaved a truffle into my mouth.” - Jess, 24

“Used a whiskey bottle as a dildo.” - M, 29

“Disabled bathroom foreplay, with a customer.” - Ebony, 24

“Vomited all over an open till.”

“Hired taxi driver to clean venue.” - Mikel, 31

“Semen infused, white chocolate gin fizz.” - Otto, 26

“Got my ass eaten for a tip.” - Oscar, 26

“Post-shift sex, on boss’s desk.” - James, 26

“Wore choker to cover up hickeys.” - Tori, 29

“Took a shit. Behind a dumpster.” - Christian, 28

“Drank espresso martinis until couldn’t walk.” - Lara, 24

“Woke up behind the bar.” - Sammy, 32

“Wednesday arvo orgy, because of boredom.” - Belle, 23

“Got black eye from 17 Mezcal shots.” - James, 27

“4 AM: aprons only dance party.” - Adam, 34

“Sculled beer out of beer wastage bucket.” - Jimmy, 26

“Black lipstick make-out sesh.” - Charlotte, 25

“Snorted cocaine out a girls’ asshole.” - John, 31

“Got matching Sailor Jerry tattoos.” - Josh, 28

“Rolled joint out of $100 tip.” - Maddy, 23

“Licked champagne off my managers beard.” - Emma, 21

“Took a piss in the work sink.” - David, 27

“Told someone they tasted like bacon.” - Rohan, 34

“Orgy on the pool table.” - Will, 29

“Tequila shots off my boobs.” - Em, 24

“Manager did MDMA off my nipples.” - Isabella, 23

“Sculled his daiquiri, stole his drugs.” - Oscar, 25

“Blowjob in the private dining room.” - Sam, 32

“Blew cocaine up my asshole.” - Nick, 26

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This article originally appeared on VICE AU.