Read an excerpt from the VICE writer's new book, 'How To Bullsh*t Your Way To Number 1: An Unorthodox Guide To 21st Century Success.'
"Can my lookalike break up with my fiancee?"
I'm no good at doing press for my shed story, so thought it might be fun to get some other people to do it instead.
I made my shed the top-rated restaurant in London on TripAdvisor. This is what happened afterwards.
The home accessory you never knew you needed.
And then served customers Iceland ready meals on its opening night.
All you need is a loud shirt, sunglasses and an all-you-can-eat buffet.
It's really not that hard, I don't get what all the fuss is about.
To complete the circle.
Weirdly, it did not go down well at all.
London's decent nightlife is dying, but there are still plenty of shit clubs out there. Could they be the city's salvation?
"Your worst trait is that your honesty has no filter. It's funny sometimes, but I didn't like it when you called my face 'featureless'."