This week: A gym-goer with no sense of humour versus a policeman with no tolerance for homeless people with mobile phones.
Cry-Baby #1 - Sahdia Yousef
The incident: A receptionist at a gym made an unfunny joke.
The appropriate response: Nothing/ fake laughing - depending on how polite you are.
The actual response: Upon hearing the joke, Sahdia Yousef (pictured above, angry) complained to the man's boss, then went to her local newspaper crying racism.
Sahdia had just paid the £1,500 membership at David Lloyd gym in Luton. After paying, she wanted to take another look around the facilities, so she asked the receptionist if she could leave her bag at the front desk.
Happy to oblige, the receptionist said to her, "Yes, as long as it doesn't blow up." Which is a joke so throwaway and lame, I doubt I would even notice he'd said it.
However, this is how Sahdia described the incident to her local paper:
"I was so shocked I felt like someone had kicked me in the mouth. I said to the female staff member, ‘Did I just hear that correctly?’ and she replied, ‘He just means that we have had it all refurbished recently so the place would get ruined’...
Outraged, Sahdia asked to speak to a manager, who, inexplicably, not only listened to her complaint, but also offered her a free hot drink, three free training sessions and free towel hire for a month. But this only angered her further:
“If I wasn’t insulted before, that drove me over the edge. They think it’s so minor that they can throw a few freebies at me and I will go away. I’m just so angry. I need to safeguard my child and myself from derogatory remarks and that is where this company failed. If I had wanted to be labelled a terrorist in a public place I would go to a BNP march where I am sure they would be happy to oblige.”
I guess it's not just airports where you're not allowed to make bomb jokes anymore (you're also not allowed to make them in front of total fucking idiots).
Cry-Baby #2 - An unnamed police officer from Sarasota Police Department
The incident: A homeless guy named Darren Kersey (pictured above) charged his mobile phone at an outdoor plug socket in a park.
The appropriate response: Nothing. Or asking him to unplug it if you're not allowed to use the plugs for that.
The actual response: Darren was arrested.
Last week, Darren was charging his phone in a public picnic area in Gillepsie Park, in Sarasota, Florida when he was approached by a police sergeant who told him he was not allowed to charge his phone there. At this point, Darren offered to unplug his phone, but was told "the theft of city utilities will not be tolerated during this bad economy."
Darren was then arrested, and charged with "theft of utilities". Unable to pay the $500 bond that would allow him to be released on bail, Darren was forced to spend the night in jail to await his appearence before a judge (who, THANK GOD, dismissed the case and allowed him to walk free).
Speaking of the incident, Darren said: "I was appalled. I lost my job because of it. I'm unemployed now. For charging a cell phone? And they took another gentleman to jail for smoking a cigarette."
So, who is the bigger cry-baby this week? You should have a think about it, then click someone in this little poll down here. It'd really make our week:Who is the bigger cry-baby?
Winner: NOBODY! At the time of writing, there is only 15 votes between them. Which makes it a draw.
Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT