"Nah, it's bullshit. The Americans created Sandy as a weapon."
Hurricane Sandy was obviously devastating and presumably absolutely terrifying for anyone involved, but even more terrifying is the question: what’s next? If the theory that homosexuals caused Sandy turns out to be false, the other fallback top suspect has to be global warming, right? And that shit is supposedly only getting worse by the day.
Sandy was just a little taste. Mother Nature can’t wait to lay waste to our hedonistic, capitalistic society (because Mother Nature is a total party-pooper) and her next target will surely be the smog-sucking citizens of London. We asked some of those citizens if they were worried about their impending doom now that they’ve seen New York in tatters. Most of them weren’t, so we did our best to make them more worried by suggesting that dinosaurs are going to return. Puerile, but oddly effective.
London, Has Hurricane Sandy made you worry about global warming?
Ruby, 19: I never really thought about it but that is quite a fair point
VICE: Now that you’ve thought about it, are you terrified?
No. For me, global warming is like a natural thing. My dad does physics and he says it's a natural thing that happens every million years, or something. We might actually have another ice age. But yeah, I don’t really think about things like that.
You realise it's not just the regular global warming cycle this time, though, right? You’ve got higher water temperatures, drought and obviously dinosaurs are a huge problem as well.
Wait, what? Dinosaurs are gonna come back?
Well, yeah, obviously. The glaciers will melt and there could be lots of ancient organisms living in them.
But surely when things are frozen their cells expand, so they won’t be able to come back to life?
Normally, yeah, but because of global warming, the cryogenic process is actually slowed down so the hemoglobin can reactivate once the glaciers melt.
Wow, that’s interesting. I don't really think about that kind of stuff, though. I have fashion in my head, not global warming. It's scary to think that places like Australia could get into an extreme drought, or London could get flooded because we're right next to the Thames. The question is: will London be able to able to handle the increased water levels?
Michael, 41: No, it’s actually made me feel slightly better about it. There's a lot of people in the world who really do need to be a lot more aware, mostly the Americans. I’m glad that so few people have died and it’s been given such good visibility. It gives you a good idea of how bad it could be in the future.
So do you think Hurricane Sandy has had a good death to publicity ratio?
I’m not going to say that any death is a good thing. We’re very fortunate that so few people did die, but in different circumstances far more people could have died and, unfortunately, will die in the future if we’re not aware.
Do you think it will open people’s eyes to the more intense effects of severe weather patterns such as flooding, drought, hail, dinosaurs and things like that?
I believe it will, but unfortunately people believe what they want to believe.
Lydia, 23: My family live in the Cayman Islands and they get little hurricanes every year, but a big hurricane to hit the east coast like that hasn’t happened before. If this is gonna be regular, then this is definitely proving climate change is in action.
What specifically has worried you? What effects of global warming do you think might happen to us?
If there’s going to be big storms, that’s quite a big impact on not only the people who live nearby and their houses – it’s quite difficult to get a mortgage in a flood zone – but businesses are also affected. If New York shuts down for two weeks a year, that’s gonna have a huge impact on financial trading and all kinds of public services.
Yeah, and of course we’ve got dinosaurs to worry about as well.
I’m not sure they’ll come back to life.
Really? It’s been pretty much proven by scientists in a lab and stuff.
Oh, okay. I knew that you can freeze frogs over the winter and they’ll wake up and…
Yeah. The same thing applies to dinosaurs.
I think we should all be really worried about dinosaurs then. That’s gonna have a huge impact.
Yeah. Is there any specific dinosaur you’re worried about?
T-Rex. It’s gotta be the T-Rex.
Fabian, 24: Umm, no.
Don’t you care about the environment?
I do care about the environment, but I think that global warming isn’t just caused by acid, it’s also caused by nature itself.
Isn’t caused by what, sorry?
Acid. It’s also caused by nature itself.
I do what I can to save energy, though. I'm always walking and cycling.
If you’re always walking and cycling, surely you’re a little bit scared about Hurricane Sandy and the dinosaurs and all that?
No, I don’t think about dinosaurs. The glaciers – well, I think it’s a normal process that the world becomes warmer, colder, warmer, colder and I think it isn’t as bad as the news tries to show us.
Isn’t the actual process dinosaurs, not dinosaurs, dinosaurs, not dinosaurs?
I don’t believe in dinosaurs.
Well, you say that, but when a T-Rex is killing your family...
Actually, I don’t believe that dinosaurs will come back, OK? I mean, I’m from Germany and Germany does a lot for saving the environment. When I’m at home, we recycle things, we save energy, we save water, we try to use public transport. I don't want to talk badly about Britain, but it's amazing how far behind you are in renewable energies and recycling.
Do you think England maybe deserves Hurricane Sandy?
No. No one deserves it.
Lee, 40 (left) and Scott, 39.
Not at all? You don’t care about the environment?
It’s the American’s that have done it.
That have done Hurricane Sandy?
Nikola Tesla. Have you heard of Nikola Tesla?
Yeah, the moustached electricity guy.
He knew that someone would use the weather for warfare. The American’s did that.
So the Americans have done Hurricane Sandy?
They do it all the time. Think about it: you had New Orleans, and all the people around there were black. Then you had the one in Indonesia. That was all Muslims. The Navy use sonar, they manipulate the tectonic plates inside the Earth and they either cause an earthquake or one of them tsunamis, which is why the whales and dolphins beached themselves during the tsunami.
Why has America targeted specifically black people and Muslims?
Because they’re against them, innit? Why do you think that think happened in Japan? It’s because the Japanese are enriching uranium in Iran. Global warming is bullshit, it’s just like the terror threat. It’s crap. It’s against me and you. You’ve got to keep an open mind.
Scott: I don’t know how long you’ve lived in this country, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s getting colder, it ain’t getting any warmer. Can we go get a cup of tea now?
Lee: Have you heard of the New World Order?
Yeah, it’s in the process of happening. They’re going for Luciferianism. Satanism. You know all this Jimmy Savile stuff? All the people involved are into kid sacrifice. There’s millions of people that go missing each year who don’t make it into the headlines. They want to protect themselves ‘cause the royal family are at it, people in the street are at it. All these people that we call the Illuminati – all these top bankers – they’re all at it ‘cause it protects them.
Scott: We’ll be in the papers tomorrow. They’ll arrest us and we’ll be like, "We haven’t done anything!"
Lee: They can’t take me away in a black zip-up bag, mate. I’m a fucking ninja, mate.
Previously - Which British Person Should Be the US President?