A lot of England got flooded this weekend, but you were probably too drunk to notice.
ENGLAND GOT FLOODED REALLY, REALLY BADLY
More than 800 homes were flooded and two people were killed
Photo by .Martin.
Much of the UK was hit with torrential rain and gale force winds, causing severe flooding, particularly in the Midlands and the south-west of England.
More than 200 flood warnings were issued and over 800 homes and businesses were flooded.
A 21-year-old woman was killed when a tree smashed into her tent in Exeter and a 70-year-old man died after his car crashed into a swollen river in Cambridgeshire.
In a tweet, Prime Minister David Cameron pledged to help flood victims as best as possible.
SYRIAN REBELS CLAIM TO HAVE CAPTURED A MILITARY AIRBASE
Which is probably kinda worrying for Bashar al-Assad
Syrian rebels claim they have seized the Marj al-Sultan air base near the capital city of Damascus after a battle that saw the destruction of two helicopters.
The area around the base in Eastern Ghouta has been controlled by rebels for a few months, but the capture of the base itself supposedly "shows starting signs of a rebel siege of Damascus", according to one activist.
Activists also claimed that rebels were besieging a military airport in the eastern province of Deir Ezzor.
A BANGLADESHI TEXTILE FACTORY CAUGHT ON FIRE AND KILLED OVER 100 PEOPLE
It's the latest in a depressingly long string of south Asian textile factory fires
A blaze at the Tazreen Fashions textile factory in Dhaka, Bangladesh – which made clothes for Dutch high street brand C&A, amongst others – killed more than 100 of the factory's employees.
Many workers jumped from upper storeys in a bid to escape the flames, with 12 of the deaths reportedly because of injuries sustained from the falls.
Previous fires in south Asian factories have killed hundreds in the past few months – the last disaster being when more than 280 died in a factory fire in Karachi, Pakistan in September.
AMERICA WENT TEMPORARILY INSANE OVER CHEAPER THAN NORMAL PRODUCTS
No one died this year, but people pulled guns and pepper spray
Once again, America rioted as shops opened their doors to cut-price products on Black Friday – the day following Thanksgiving where retailers open early and slash their prices, causing hundreds of shoppers to queue up, get angry with each other and do something stupid.
Fatalities have occured in previous Black Friday stampedes, but thankfully this year only saw parents abandoning their children, people pulling guns on queue jumpers, multiple arrests, police pepper-spraying fighting shoppers and countless scenes like the one above.
This year's chaos marked the latest hallmark in a burgeoning tradition of celebrating a good crop harvest in the 1620s, then kicking the shit out of a bunch of strangers to get an android phone for £25 less than normal.
A MAN IMPALED HIMSELF ON A TABLE
An ambulance service spokeman described it as a "delicate incident"
A man from Hertfordshire somehow managed to impale himself on a table leg while rooting around his attic.
Details surrounding the cause are unclear, but fire crews reportedly had to remove part of his roof, airlift him through the gap – table leg still attached – before taking him to St Mary's Paddington Hospital in London.
An East of England Ambulance Service spokesman described it as a "very delicate incident" and said that the man's injury wasn't considered life-threatening.