It seems counterintuitive to avoid winning awards. Awards traditionally represent some sort of achievement – a celebrated victory or a task completed in an exemplary manner. But brother, there is one award you most definitely do not want to win, and that is Ice-T’s Dumbfuck of the Day Award.
The rapper, Twitter savant, and former adult bagel virgin doles out this notorious award on Twitter occasionally when his followers step into his mentions with any mixture of the following: ignorance, attitude, general dumbfuckery. Ice will not hesitate to bestow these clownasses with the DFOTDA for stepping out of line. Hell, he’ll drop two in the same day if he must. He – and this cannot be stressed enough – does not give a fuck.
To understand the Dumbfuck Award, you must first understand the rules of it. The first thing you must know is that the award carries real-world repercussions. As if Ice blasting you in front of an audience of more than one million followers isn’t humiliating enough, “winning” the award will also get you automatically blocked by the man himself:
Seeing as how Ice-T’s account is the only good thing about Twitter, this would be a gigantic blow to anyone’s social media usage. It would essentially be like getting excommunicated from the internet. Another thing you should know about the Dumbfuck Award is that if you receive one, you should just take it and die an honourable internet death. Do not make matters worse by deleting the offending tweet. Ice does not respect people who delete their snarky tweets after he puts them on blast for the world to see. Take the L and be owned with some modicum of dignity.
Sadly, many award recipients have not abided by this rule, cravenly deleting their tweets and leaving their transgressions a mystery. We may never know what these users did to merit their Dumbfuck Awards, and thus we cannot use this as a learning moment, but we can only assume it was something extremely fucking dumb.
While Ice has been calling out dumbfucks his entire career, as far as our research shows, Ice’s first official Dumbfuck Award was given out in June of this year, not to a Twitter user but instead to the general population of dumbfucks who feel the need to make the distinction between soccer and football. They got the International Dumbfuck Award, which is officially recognised by the United Nations.
After international law had been established, Ice started giving out awards with some regularity.
This person got one for making fun of his name:
This person got one for getting a little too spicy for Ice’s liking in the mentions:
Don’t even step to Ice if you’re an unworthy gamer:
This guy got one for questioning Ice's commitment to capitalism and family:
He considered giving this guy one for mocking the picture quality of his father-daughter selfie:
And he recently gave a Dumbfuck Award to this dumbfuck who didn’t agree with Ice’s Christmas gift etiquette:
Another thing you should know about the Dumbfuck Award is that you can be hit with one at any moment. The Dumbfuck Award does not sleep. For example, Ice did a rise-and-shine on this guy who accused him of having a Twitter meltdown:
But with only an hour and change left in his day on 13 November, he caught this clownass calling him an old hag. There are no safe spaces as far as Dumbfuck Awards go:
Also, this was previously unheard of, and we can’t believe we’re saying this, but on 9 September, Ice gave out a gold Dumbfuck Award and a silver medal in the same day.
And lastly, we’re not sure where this ranks in terms of severity in relation to the Dumbfuck Award, but Ice-T once gave out an elusive Clownass Award to someone who thought he was white:
Hopefully all this has provided you with all the information you need to avoid winning Ice-T’s Dumbfuck of the Day Award. Stay safe out there online and approach him with caution.
Dan Ozzi is on Twitter and lives in fear of winning a Dumbfuck Award.
This article originally appeared on Noisey US.