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choose your own adventure

Send A Fun Text™

You drafted it three times in Notes and let your WhatsApp group squabble over the tone and now you're ready to hit 'send'
ffs
'Right, says he doesn't want to do anything tonight. But I've already got the Vaseline!' (Photo via Emily Bowler)

The sensible option, but also the wrong one. You’ve just taken this fun, exciting, fleeting early relationship energy and poured a bucket of sand over it, because the first moment you were confronted by what is essentially an elaborate dare you fold and buckle and squash out, so you’ve proven yourself to be utterly without thrill and actually quite boring. They convince you to come out and have a quick drink after work anyway but you realise immediately you’ve fucked it: both of you on a high table at a bar, you doing that thing where you picked up your glass and put it down to make interlocking rings with the condensation, they are— yep, they are genuinely telling you about their work day, and that’s it, right there, gone: all that magic, all that fizz, absolutely fucked because you didn’t have the nuts to see someone on Valentine’s Day. They’re busy next week, and see you on the Monday the week after that. You try and get them out for the weekend but then they send you The Text. You know The Text now: it comes through in three parts because your data can’t handle the word count, and it keeps saying ‘just be friends’ in it.

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YOU HAVE FAILED AT VALENTINE’S DAY

another one?