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Vice Blog


by Milene Larsson
01 March 2010, 8:59am

Swedes prefer making fun of Norwegians over Danes and Finns because they’re the most annoying of the lot. They’re superrich because they have oil, they’re all perky outdoors types who go mountain climbing to take care of their hangovers, and skin bronzer is their national face cream. We're not even getting into the Oakleys (the fucking Oakleys). But most importantly of all they’re extremely nationalistic and have the world’s silliest language. Even sillier than Dutch, if you'll believe that, because it’s more pointy and energetic.

Show us one person in this clip whose tan is real. And keep in mind this is the Arctic.

Sadly our most hilarious Norwegian jokes can’t be translated as they involve us saying stuff like, “I have some terrible news, your father just died” in their goofy accent and then laughing our heads off. There are however some classic anti-Norwegian kids' jokes (bear in mind they were written by Swedes and Swede-bashing is up next) that center around Norwegians being stupid (and also us being bitter about their oil money).

Q: Why did the Norwegian take a ladder with him to the supermarket?

A: Because he'd heard the food prices in Oslo were extremely high.

Q: Why did the Norwegian crawl on the floor through the supermarket?

A: Because they’re looking for the low prices.

Q: Why do Norwegian garbage trucks drive so fast?

A: The drivers are scared of getting robbed.

Q: Why did the Norwegian bring a rolled-up piece of sandpaper to the desert?

A: Thought it was a map.

Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine?

A: Scuba-dive down and knock on the door.

Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine again?

A: Dive down and knock on the door again. Wait for them to open the window and say, "You aren't fooling us this time!"

Q: How do you sink a Danish submarine?

A: Dive down and knock on the window. Wait for them to open the door and say, "Come on, who do you take us for? Norwegians?"

Q: How do you sink a Swedish submarine?

A: Give it a Norwegian crew.

Q: How do you say "genius" in Norway?

A: Tourist.

-Two Norwegians are driving at night. The driver starts to worry something is wrong with his blinkers so he pulls over and asks the other Norwegian to get out and check them.

"Hey," the guys yells from the front of the car, "It works... Wait it doesn't work... No now it works... Wait it doesn't work... No wait, now it works... Oh sorry, it doesn't work..."