We Shootin’ Hoops

All photos by Janicza Bravo, featuring Alex and Jaq of Nola Darling as MC². Wardrobe provided by Arron Mendoza and Ben Phen at LAG Vintage, 4557 Santa Monica Blvd., Los Angeles

Below are the lyrics to the long-lost classic “We Shootin’ Hoops,” by the completely unknown white 80s hip-hop artist, Rat Tail, whose current whereabouts are unknown. It was transcribed from a cassette tape discovered a year ago, wrapped in a ball of human hair in a garbage dump in Guadalajara, Mexico.

MC²:
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops.
Hoop hoop shdoop
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops
Hoo hoop shdoop
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops
Hoo hoop shdoop
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops

RAT TAIL:
Basketball even
We not shootin’ guns. We just shootin’ hoops.
Me and my MC² givin’ each other alley-oops
Lookin’ hot like soup while we dribble around
We jump jump diddily dunk you know we get the rebound
Lay up, assist, yo, we never getting’ pissed.
’Cause with our Nike Airs on yo we float like mist.
We pack snacks to snack. Pepsi and Reese’s Pieces.
Worship Michael Jordan so much yo we should call him Jesus.
Same with Dominique, and Larry Bird, word.
Isiah Thomas shoutin’ all them dirty words.
Can’t forget Karl Malone or Hakeem Olajuwon.
The Magic one called Johnson is the type of shit we on.
Ewing’s in the center. Charlie Barkley’s runnin’ far.
Big shout to my man Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

MC²:
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops.
Hoop hoop shdoop
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops
Hoo hoop shdoop
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops
Hoo hoop shdoop
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops
Basketball even

MC²:
We skywalkin’
We skywalkin’
We skywalkin’ better stop your shit talkin’
MC² and Rat Tail we skywalkin’
We skywalkin’
We skywalkin’

RAT TAIL:
Swish goes the net. Me and my girls get
Mad props from the fans in the stands while we sweat.
And you know our sweats is wet ’cause we work it real hard
And you know we ain’t stinkin’ ’cause we use the Right Guard.
We blockin’ flagrant fouls. Check our moves, wow!
We always puttin’ on a show. Milkin’ shit like a cow.
After the show MC² and Rat Tail take a bow.
Jump in the bucket take a ride to Micky D’s to eat some chow.
Then we come right back, and we shoot some hoops some more.
Fuck a campground this is our great outdoors.
The smell of the pavement. The sound of the bounce.
Free throws by the pound. Three-pointers by the ounce.
Baseball is kind of boring. Football is just OK.
Basketball is Rat Tail’s number one favorite game to play.
And I’m a play. You know that I’m a play it all day.
The only thing I like better is rap and getting laid.

MC²:
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops.
Hoop hoop shdoop
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops
Hoo hoop shdoop
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops
Hoo hoop shdoop
We shootin’ hoooooooooooops

RAT TAIL: Basketball even

MC²:
We skywalkin’
We skywalkin’
We skywalkin’ better stop your shit talkin’
MC² and Rat Tail we skywalkin’
We skywalkin’
We skywalkin’

VICE will be publishing the lyrics to one of Rat Tail’s masterpieces each issue for at least the next six months. Read them all and listen to Rat Tail’s fifth long-lost track, “The Story of Oh Donna,” at VICE.com/rat-tail.