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What Sort of Person Likes Chris Moyles?

And what is it that they like besides Chris Moyles?

by Jack Hammer
11 July 2012, 11:30am

You might not realise this, with your NTS and your Radio 4 and your MP3 blogs and your hangovers, but there are still some people who wake up in the morning and listen to BBC Radio 1. In fact, there are a shit-tonne of them, and for the last eight years they've been listening to Chris Moyles and his gang of banterous sidekicks; Comedy Dave, Tragedy Clive, Grand Guignol Bob, Puppetry of the Penis Alan and Black Minstrelsy Fred (hey, it's fine, it's radio).

Anyway, these people won't be doing that for too much longer, because this morning Moyles announced that he would be quitting as the host of Radio 1's breakfast show. Some people were very happy about this news because they don't like Chris Moyles, and that's fine, but I'm not interested in them because I don't like him either and I already know why.

But I was into the idea of knowing more about the people who love Chris Moyles. Who are these people who'll miss his shitty jokes, entry-level sarcasm and unwarranted narcissism? Why have I never met one of them? I had a look for people complaining about his departure on Twitter, read a few of their tweets and found out what makes them tick:

Bone Head™ likes:
- Jokes about homeless people
- Gordon Ramsay's Gordon Behind Bars
- Football
- Custard cream biscuits
- The film, The Hangover
- "Sick tattoos"
- Sleeping
- Stag dos

Ruth-Annie Smith likes:
- Olives
- Zooey Deschanel's New Girl
- Blackcurrant Airwaves chewing gum/nasal decongestants
- The TV show, TOWIE
- Holidays
- Talking about her dreams
- Andy Murray
- Duvet days
- Talking about the severity of her hangovers
- Fake tan
- Katy Perry

Amelia Littlejohn likes:
- Shopping
- Facebook stalking
- Talking about famous people's clothing choices
- The band, One Direction
- The TV show, Hollyoaks
- Made-up facts that supposedly illustrate the differences between men and women. ("The average woman smiles 62 times a day. The average man smiles only eight times.")
- Pancakes
- The TV show, The X-Factor

Ally Steele likes:
- Digital marketing
- Darts
- Capoeira
- Oxford United Football Club
- Human beatboxing
- Smiling
- The wacky video guys, OK Go
- Foursquare
- SEO (in general)
- Clubbing in Berlin
- The Presidents of the United States of America (as in the band, not the actual presidents).

Emma likes:
- Frank Ocean
- Her friend named Lizzie
- The fruit, melon
- The rapper, Professor Green
- Tropical flavoured Haribo
- Roger Federer
- Roger Federer's children
- Andy Murray
- Tanning
- The liqueur, Baileys

Biddy Clinton likes:
-The rapper/crooner/actor/director/polymath, Plan B
- The TV show, Lost
- Zooey Deschanel's New Girl
- Nail polish
- The breakfast cereal, Cinnamon Grahams
- When middle-class white people use ebonics
- Singing
- Selling clothes on eBay
- Pictures of shoes

Blake Sinclair likes:
- Andy Murray
- The gym
- The meal, curry (but not the smell of curry. Weird, huh?)
- Scoop neck T-shirts from AllSaints
- Tanning
- Using the hashtag #classof2012
- Hollister jeans
- Holidays
- The TV show, Desperate Housewives

So there you have it. You can stop wondering, because now you know what else people who like Chris Moyles like. I guess that, in their perfect world, they'd still be waking up to Chris Moyles' voice in the mornings, and Andy Murray would have married Zooey Deschanel and everyone who likes Chris Moyles went on holiday for the stag do and got really, really drunk just so they could sit around and talk about how hungover they were afterwards. Which is either very fascinating, or very, very mundane.

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