No-Nonsense Lesbians Fight Evil with the Power of Scissoring

Sappho Ethridge is a "no-nonsense" lesbian with short hair whose secret power is "scissoring". Sappho is one of the stars of

Ultimate Gay Fighter

– a mobile gaming app that, for reasons that should soon become clear, has so far left gays and gamers alike pretty unimpressed.

Other stereotypes faithfully perpetuated in the game include flamboyant fashionista Ford Jacobs, who enjoys throwing his Birkin bag in the face of his nemesis, the evil politician Anne Paylin. Then there's Asian twink Timmy Spears, who fights villains with a fucking chihuahua. When punched, the characters bleed rainbows. The game's victory message is: "You win! Congrats, slut."

All of which sounds like a great joke, and if I'm honest, I'm still not convinced it's not. According to the website, the game owes its existence to a company called Handsome Woman Productions, which is made up of a father and son team called Michael George and Michael Patrick. The bloggers attacking Ultimate Gay Fighter all seem to be using quotes they attribute to Michael Patrick, in which he asserts that "the whole thing started as joke", that the characters are based on his "gay family" and that he, himself, is gay. Yet none of them cite where they got these quotes from.

Also, the trailer is surely too dumb to be real.

Anyway, the app is set to launch in January. Maybe we should wait till that actually happens to be outraged? I promise I'll get angry first.

Moving on to more games that make you feel like suffocating yourself in your own anus,

That's So Gay!

is a trivia board game, featuring over 2,400 questions in six categories – each corresponding to one of the colours of the rainbow flag. DId you barf yet or shall I go on?

I'll go on. According to their Facebook page, the game seeks to turn the phrase: "'That’s so gay!' into a positive opportunity to educate LGBTQs and our allies, and even those people who would attack us." It also just sold out on Amazon. Thumbs up to everyone involved but in the future, it might be worth trying to push for pre-existing board games like Trivial Pursuit to include more LGBTQ questions instead of making special ones that will end up being bought and used only by members of the LGBTQ community and those who actively give a fuck about their problems. Dunno – just a thought.

By the way, if this

New York Post article

is anything to go by, HBO's new show

Looking

is like the first time ever that a TV show has managed to truthfully capture gay life. Which has got me so excited I might just pee my pants.

– You might have never heard of them before but snaps for The Association of Christian Counsellors (ACC), who have now formally instructed each of their members to stop trying to turn gay people straight "in the interests of public safety". Of course, some people are outraged with the ruling and have vowed to fight it but you can't blast every genital wart dead with the same cryotherapy gun.

– Until midweek this week, married people in Scotland had the right to something called "spousal veto on gender recognition". In simpler words, this means that if you want to change your gender legally, you have to first have the approval of your spouse – as explained by Paris Lees in the article she wrote for us last week. However, after a proposal by the Equality Network submitted by Linda Fabian MSP, this law doesn't exist as of yesterday. Yay, Scotland.

– Not so yay, Nigeria. On Tuesday, Nigerian President Goodluck Jonathan signed the Same Sex Marriage Prohibition Act, which criminalises same-sex marriage, relationships and LGBT organising. Openly gay and lesbian Nigerians can now face prison sentences of up to 14 years and any person involved in same-sex ceremonies could be jailed for ten years. As soon as the bill was signed, Nigerian authorities embarked on a witchhunt that saw more than 38 arrests and 168 warrants on just the first day.

– Finally, homosexuality is still very much illegal in Uganda but not punishable by death thanks to President Yoweri Museveni, who just refused to sign the bill in a letter to his parliamentary speaker. A local paper, Daily Monitor, quotes Museveni as rationalising that the bill would only force homosexuals to go "underground and continue practicing homosexuality or lesbianism for mercenary reasons".

He also said that homosexuality was caused by either "random breeding" or a need to make money and that lesbians only existed because of "sexual starvation". And that the way to stop people from becoming gay is to improve the country's economy. Which LOL, but I guess, PICK YOUR BATTLES, PEOPLE, PICK YOUR BATTLES.

Follow Elektra on Twitter: @elektrakotsoni

Previously – Who Will Stop the Homosexual Dance Teacher of East London?!