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Bobby George Comes Out For Remain, Asks Us Not to “Fuck Up His Future”

Bobby George has come out swinging, bowling over the Michael Goves and Boris Johnsons of this world with his blinged-up might.
Don't fuck up Bobby George's future, you mugs // Via

This might be an inherent prejudice, but we would not expect a man widely known as the "King of Bling" to be a Remain supporter. If we were told, in addition, that said man lived in a mansion near highly Eurosceptic Colchester, we'd be pretty sure that he was obsessed with taking back control, and wresting back our borders, and sticking it to those faceless Brussels bureaucrats with their over-regulated bananas, their red tape, and their insistence on giving us all these employment rights we didn't bloody ask for.

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If we were then informed that the "King of Bling" was a member of the darts fraternity, we'd be almost certain that he'd be backing Leave. On a fundamental level, the game of darts is about fancy dress, extreme inebriation and chronic obesity, all of which the European Union is probably plotting to ban. If Brussels really does make 75% of our laws, then how long before they start regulating the length of our darts, or the size of our bullseyes, or the waistlines of our most enormous sportsmen? Darts and the EU seem like uncomfortable bedfellows, though they do at least have a mutual attachment to civic halls and bonkers Dutch people. Still, that's where the similarities end.

All in all, a darts legend known as the "King of Bling" seems like exactly the sort of person who might be seduced by the Brexit brigade. That's why we're surprised – astounded even – to see that Bobby George, Britain's most recognisable darts geezer, has come out swinging on the side of Remain. He's an East London lad who loves gold watches, silk shirts and a couple of pints down the local, but he's also got a soft spot for supranational decision making and the single market. What's more, he's only gone and made a political endorsement for the Remain campaign, and asked us not to fuck our futures up. Luvvly jubbly!

It only takes 5 seconds to stop people fucking with your future, and mine#DontFuckMyFuture #Voting pic.twitter.com/F2egidGa31
— Bobby George (@BobbyGeorge180) June 21, 2016

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As political broadcasts go, this is up there with the very best of them. It is an act of defiance, a complete refusal to play to type. An endorsement from Bobby George was the last piece of the jigsaw as far as the Leave campaign were concerned, and yet here he is, Remain t-shirt stretched over his bulging tummy, asking us not to fuck everything up by forsaking the economic benefits of a federal Europe. When Nigel Farage sees this, he's going to cry into his pint of Spitfire, wrap himself in a St. George's flag and march off in the direction of Margate harbour. Douglas Carswell will get an urgent call to drive down in the Jaguar, because his party leader is threatening to throw himself into the sea.

We want to see Bobby George barge his way into Parliament tomorrow, arm in arm with Angela Merkel and Jean-Claude Juncker. We want to see him take Michael Gove in a crushing chokehold, and shout "ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTTTYYYYY!" in his ear until he promises not to tell any more lies about Turkey. We want to see Bobby bowl over Boris Johnson, arm wrestle Chris Grayling into submission and give Iain Duncan-Smith an excruciating Chinese burn. We want him to blast "We Are The Champions" from a massive boombox, before delivering an impassioned speech about the European Convention on Human Rights.

Seriously, though, who do you trust on the EU Referendum? The meanest, most venal bunch of Tories ever to have walked the earth, or Bobby George, a man who can hit a bullseye in five seconds flat? Who strikes you as being more honest, Michael Gove or Bobby George? The former is a peddler of deceit and untruth who once co-authored a book calling for the dismantling of the NHS, and the latter is a great laugh who loves pints, gold chains and the music of Freddy Mercury. Who would you rather have in charge of your future? A man who's spent his life creeping through the halls of Westminster, or a man who's world famous for hitting triple twenties and putting the art in darts?

Bobby George might not be a fan of the Schengen Agreement, but he sees the appalling hypocrisy of the Leave campaign for what it is. He sees Farage, Johnson and Grayling claiming to be defenders of the working man, and he thinks: "Fuck that for a laugh, me old china!" He is right, of course, and that is why – no matter the result of the EU referendum – we need Bobby George to continue to be the face of decent, sensible politics from now on. It is for the same reason that we need our Bobby to put Michael Gove in a headlock, and make him promise, on the sacred altar of the oche, to stop being such a fackin' berk.

@W_F_Magee