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Pards, Bilic, Bibbledy Bob: Previewing The Premier League Sack Race

In the final Premier League Preview of the week, we take an educated guess at which manager will be next for the chop.

by Will Magee
09 December 2016, 1:58pm

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When Bob Bradley first took over at Swansea, we advocated giving him a chance. The world is in the grip of hatred, prejudice and bigotry at the moment and, when it came to the first American ever to manage a Premier League team, we wanted to show that our judgement would be made not on background, but rather on merit, results and general success. Since then, Swansea have at least won a match, somehow beating Crystal Palace despite being 4-3 down going into the final minutes. That's the good news, and now for the bad: they have also lost four, drawn two, conceded 19 goals and dropped to the bottom of the league.

Though Bradley has only been in the job for two months at this point, it's perhaps little surprise that there are already whispers of an impending P45 in the post. This is the world of modern football and, whatever the rights and wrongs of it, managerial sacking have never been more 'in'. That said, we highly resent Bradley's insinuation that he is under pressure because he is American, considering the fair and equitable way in which we, ourselves, have treated him. Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that he is under pressure because Swansea look truly atrocious and currently have nine points to their name, which strongly suggests that they are heading for the second tier.

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Should he still feel that his accent is the problem, as opposed to Swansea's diabolical form, it ought to be pointed out to Bradley that he is not the only manager facing an uncertain future right now. There are two fellow bosses in a distinctly similar position, namely Alan Pardew, whose accent is that of a former glazier born and raised in South London, and Slaven Bilic, whose accent is that of a sexy, enigmatic, silver-suited businessman who smokes Sobranies, drives a Lamborghini and engages in indiscriminate acts of mass seduction from an apartment in Monaco with a resplendent sea view. Seductive as his rich and gravelly intonation might be, however, there are many West Ham fans who have been turned off Bilic's management this season, with his team currently languishing in 17th having picked up two points from their last five games. Meanwhile, despite much investment in the summer, Pardew's Crystal Palace side are a mere three points off the bottom three, even if they do reside in a deceptively secure 14th place.

READ MORE: Decline of the Antithetical Derby – Previewing Arsenal vs. Stoke

While David Moyes and Mike Phelan are also down there amongst the strugglers, they are relatively safe in the knowledge that they are doing their best with inadequate sides. West Ham and Crystal Palace have massively underwhelmed so far this campaign, while Swansea's position is nothing less than desperate. That's what marks their managers out as especially vulnerable, and the reason that the odds are on one of Pards, Bilic or Bradley to be the next coach to get the chop. Palace now face a vital match against Hull, Swansea a do-or-die game against Sunderland, and West Ham an unforgiving trip to Anfield to face off against third-placed Liverpool. Whichever team puts in the worst performance could see their manager gone by Monday and, believe us, when the decision is made, accents aren't going to matter one jot.

N.B. In our description of Slaven Bilic's accent we are in no way implying he actually lives the playboy life in Monaco, merely that his accent is alluring enough to facilitate such.