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Festival Season!

How Best to Bullshit About This Year's Field Day Line-Up

A handy guide to looking like you know what you're talking about.
18 May 2015, 2:05pm

Ah, festival season: a blessed few months of sunburn and hangovers, bad bands and worse burgers, transcendence in tents and all that. Few things in this life are finer than cavorting round fields with friends, half watching Richie Hawtin here and Marquis Hawkes there. The thing, though, with any festival, from Gottwood to Global Gathering, is that the conversational boomering that whirls around unceasingly — who to see and when — is fraught with danger. For every confident assertion about Ame being worth a look comes the nightmarish possibility of dragging a crack squad of cider-fuelled revellers to a damp squib of a set, on a stage that's about a mile from the nearest bar. There's also the worry that your fount of knowledge will run dry in the heat of Barcelona, Berlin or Birmingham on a sunny Saturday.

If there's one thing you take away from festivals — apart from your rubbish and the number of a bloke who sells balloons — it's the importance of honesty. If you don't know an artist, don't bluff. Just take a deep breath and say, with utmost clarity and confidence, "No, I haven't actually heard the Midland remix of Leon Vynehall. No, sorry." It's better to admit one's flaws than ramble on about a song you've never heard by an artist you'll never listen to.

But, if you're not quite brave enough to take a plunge in the pool of ignorance just yet, you're in luck. Here at THUMP we like to think of ourselves as good samaritans, on hand to help the needy in their hour of need. Taking Field Day as our template, here's how to talk about some of the summer's biggest names without sounding like a total dick. Thank us later.

Caribou
DO SAY: Our Love was the moment he fully realised his potential beyond the niche realms of folktronica.
DON'T SAY: I think my Uncle David has those glasses.

A.G. Cook
DO SAY: He's masterminded a huge amount of the PC Music aesthetic – it's plausible to think of him as a conceptual artist rather than a musician.
DON'T SAY: I don't get it.

Awesome Tapes From Africa
DO SAY: He buys a lot of his music from Ghanaian street vendors, it's a very authentic experience which is a rarity among Western DJs playing music of African origin.
DON'T SAY: African music is so fun! I built a mud hut in my gap year!

Ah, festival season: a blessed few months of sunburn and hangovers, bad bands and worse burgers, transcendence in tents and all that. Few things in this life are finer than cavorting round fields with friends, half watching Richie Hawtin here and Marquis Hawkes there. The thing, though, with any festival, from Gottwood to Global Gathering, is that the conversational boomering that whirls around unceasingly — who to see and when — is fraught with danger. For every confident assertion about Ame being worth a look comes the nightmarish possibility of dragging a crack squad of cider-fuelled revellers to a damp squib of a set, on a stage that's about a mile from the nearest bar. There's also the worry that your fount of knowledge will run dry in the heat of Barcelona, Berlin or Birmingham on a sunny Saturday.

If there's one thing you take away from festivals — apart from your rubbish and the number of a bloke who sells balloons — it's the importance of honesty. If you don't know an artist, don't bluff. Just take a deep breath and say, with utmost clarity and confidence, "No, I haven't actually heard the Midland remix of Leon Vynehall. No, sorry." It's better to admit one's flaws than ramble on about a song you've never heard by an artist you'll never listen to.

But, if you're not quite brave enough to take a plunge in the pool of ignorance just yet, you're in luck. Here at THUMP we like to think of ourselves as good samaritans, on hand to help the needy in their hour of need. Taking Field Day as our template, here's how to talk about some of the summer's biggest names without sounding like a total dick. Thank us later.

Caribou
DO SAY: Our Love was the moment he fully realised his potential beyond the niche realms of folktronica.
DON'T SAY: I think my Uncle David has those glasses.

A.G. Cook
DO SAY: He's masterminded a huge amount of the PC Music aesthetic – it's plausible to think of him as a conceptual artist rather than a musician.
DON'T SAY: I don't get it.

Awesome Tapes From Africa
DO SAY: He buys a lot of his music from Ghanaian street vendors, it's a very authentic experience which is a rarity among Western DJs playing music of African origin.
DON'T SAY: African music is so fun! I built a mud hut in my gap year!

DJ Barely Legal
DO SAY: Chloe Robinson deserves respect for just how little she recycles her sets — they always sound fresh which is a testament to her drive.
DON'T SAY: OMG a girl playing grime.

Clark
DO SAY: His latest record managed to be gothic and dense, but at the same time so delicate.
DON'T SAY: Isn't that a shoe shop?

Danny L Harle
DO SAY: Another founding figure of PC Music, he was originally in a duo with A.G. Cook called Dux Kidz.
DON'T SAY: I don't get it.

Daniel Avery b2b Andrew Weatherall
DO SAY: Two generations of peerless selectors going at it. I can't wait.
DON'T SAY: Why's he DJing with his Dad?

Watch Hudson Mohawke's video for "Very First Breath".

Hudson Mohawke
DO SAY: I'm excited to hear his new material, it sounds like he's returning to the more playful production style he broke through with.
DON'T SAY: Play some Kanye dude.

QT
DO SAY: The interplay between commercialism and art is a fascinating facet of her performance.
DON'T SAY: I don't get it.

Mumdance
DO SAY: I'm all about that Fabriclive mix he just did. He's taking that bassy, grimey sound and pushing it into this completely new 180BPM territory.
DON'T SAY: My mum would rather dance to Duran Duran to be honest.

Nina Kraviz
DO SAY: Kraviz does the deep house bled into techno thing, but always keeps it trippy and interesting.
DON'T SAY: Is she related to Lenny?

SOPHIE
DO SAY: SOPHIE uses gender in a very intelligent way, challenging our perception of the DJs identity.
DON'T SAY: I really don't fucking get it.

Todd Terje & the Olsens
DO SAY: The addition of the live band is going to be a really interesting added dimension to his set.
DON'T SAY:

Actually, having read these back they are pretty interchangeable. Maybe best just to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Field Day tickets are still available here.

Follow Angus on Twitter.

DJ Barely Legal
DO SAY: Chloe Robinson deserves respect for just how little she recycles her sets — they always sound fresh which is a testament to her drive.
DON'T SAY: OMG a girl playing grime.

Clark
DO SAY: His latest record managed to be gothic and dense, but at the same time so delicate.
DON'T SAY: Isn't that a shoe shop?

Danny L Harle
DO SAY: Another founding figure of PC Music, he was originally in a duo with A.G. Cook called Dux Kidz.
DON'T SAY: I don't get it.

Daniel Avery b2b Andrew Weatherall
DO SAY: Two generations of peerless selectors going at it. I can't wait.
DON'T SAY: Why's he DJing with his Dad?

Watch Hudson Mohawke's video for "Very First Breath".

Hudson Mohawke
DO SAY: I'm excited to hear his new material, it sounds like he's returning to the more playful production style he broke through with.
DON'T SAY: Play some Kanye dude.

QT
DO SAY: The interplay between commercialism and art is a fascinating facet of her performance.
DON'T SAY: I don't get it.

Mumdance
DO SAY: I'm all about that Fabriclive mix he just did. He's taking that bassy, grimey sound and pushing it into this completely new 180BPM territory.
DON'T SAY: My mum would rather dance to Duran Duran to be honest.

Nina Kraviz
DO SAY: Kraviz does the deep house bled into techno thing, but always keeps it trippy and interesting.
DON'T SAY: Is she related to Lenny?

SOPHIE
DO SAY: SOPHIE uses gender in a very intelligent way, challenging our perception of the DJs identity.
DON'T SAY: I really don't fucking get it.

Todd Terje & the Olsens
DO SAY: The addition of the live band is going to be a really interesting added dimension to his set.
DON'T SAY:

Actually, having read these back they are pretty interchangeable. Maybe best just to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Field Day tickets are still available here.

Follow Angus on Twitter.