For whatever reason, the dance music scene contains a particularly high ratio of people who take themselves very seriously. Historically, the best way to deal with these kinds of people has been to publicly take the piss out of them, so join me in praising @huge.dj.party.alerts and their relentless use of hashtags for providing this valuable service to the dance music community.
After clarifying that, despite its bio, the account isn't in fact run by the former Boiler Room host and now HMT Hard Cru donk revivalist Gabriel Szatan – or "The Guy From Boiler Room", as the account affectionately calls him – I sat down with the guys behind it to get the #Scoop on why dance music #Sucks so much at the moment.
VICE: First of all, can you introduce who you are for those who don't know you?
@hugedjpartyalerts: #WeAre #SeveralDjs #InAHorseSuit #WithASmartPhone #AndEntirelyTooMuchFreeTime
Can you reassure everyone that you're not, in fact, "the guy from Boiler Room"?
[Laughs] No. If we were actually "That Guy" and wanted to keep this anonymous-ish, would we really make this the bio? Great detective work again, Twitter!
Why did you start making dance music memes and alerting people to your huge DJ party lifestyle?
We all had a #VeryPoppingGroupChat where we sort of lamented that the culture surrounding the music you listen to when you're out having fun at #DrugParties seemed to take itself a little too seriously, when there's other stuff in the world that actually matters more than programmed kick drums, like #ClimateChange or #HorseDiabetes. So we decided to address that – and also, for the money! Obviously we're all rich now!
What is the absolute best thing about your huge DJ party lifestyle?
Thinking about not having to DJ ever again.
And the worst?
Thinking about what we're actually qualified to do after we never have to DJ ever again.
The five most annoying things about dance music – go:
Number one: No phone policies; I'm trying to check Insta Stories over here! Ugh. Side note, did you know Berghain doesn't let you film because they don't want you to see how empty it is every night?
Number two: Toddlers in huge protective headsets at day parties. Like: dude, take that thing off. Do you wanna party or not? You can't hear anything through those, come ON.
Number three: sound techs. The #Wario to the DJ's #Mario. They need to understand that if you ain't red linin', you ain't headlinin', baby!
Number four: anyone who isn't us. Number five? Us.
Boiler Room has become a big part of dance music. Is there anything you dislike about it?
There's not enough people on their phones in the crowd! When someone isn't filming everything on their cell phones, eight inches from the DJ's face, it kinda kills the vibe, because IG stories ARE the #Culture!
Do you think that the whole "taking the piss out of people dancing badly on camera at Boiler Room" thing is a bit overdone now?
Yeah, they're just having fun and can't help that they're Dutch and can't dance. You try dancing with 12-foot limbs! Take the piss out of the idiots DJing on camera instead.
Can you please rate the best three Boiler Room dancers.
It's not a competition. It's about #Expressing your #Truth and #Promoting your streetwear #Brand.
Personally, I feel like big raves with big line-ups featuring the same big headliners at big rave factories like Printworks, Drumsheds and all the other ones are getting a bit too big. Thoughts?
Uhhhh... our dad owns Printworks???
Tell me about the most annoying raves and dance music festivals, and why they're so annoying.
Either the ones chasing #Trends, or the ones not booking us.
Lastly, if you could do one thing to improve dance music right now, what would it be?
#CleanItUp #ExtendTheIntro #AddSomeKick #ThenCallItSomethingElse #AndPutItOut #OnOurNewEditLabel.