Lockdown Beef Between Neighbours Is Getting Out of Hand

A couple of years back we had a particularly unusual issue with our neighbour. At first it started with them posting cock rings through the letterbox (I know). Then it was pistachio nut shells, lots of them. Once, it was a tiny leather jacket on a key ring. And then, in what gave us the final push to move out, they used a knife to carve bits out of the door. Mostly I'd forgotten about all this weirdness. Until recently that is, when I found myself thinking, 'Thank fuck I'm not stuck there during lockdown'.

During the two months we've been cooped up inside, many of us have gotten uncomfortably close to our neighbours. It's hard not to, especially in cramped flats with thin walls where you can hear the dad upstairs pissing and the couple downstairs having an argument about the scum on the draining board before their daily make up sex at *checks clock* 3.17 PM. All of this has led to enormous amounts of neighbour conflict. Solicitors are advertising "lockdown dispute" services. According to the BBC, 44 councils have reported a rise in noise complaints since the start of lockdown. So what gives?

Alex*, 26, didn't used to argue with his neighbours. At most they'd nod at each other if they happened to catch eyes in the hallway. But since lockdown, the couple next door have begun to post notes through his letterbox. “The first one was about music after 10 PM. Which is fine – it wasn't loud, but I complied.” But then more notes arrived. “They told me their house 'stunk of marijuana smoke' even though I'd had one (one!) joint as I found some leftover weed,” he says.

“Then they posted a note about visitors, which is when I started to think they were actually unhinged. I haven't had any visitors for weeks. So I posted the notes back with another note saying 'please stop sending me notes'.” What did they do? “They posted the bundle of notes back to me, and I've since posted it back to them. The whole thing is really stupid. I feel embarrassed that I even got wrapped up in it. I should speak to them face to face like a grown adult but right now cba, I've got a lot on my mind!”

Alex isn't the only one embroiled in neighbour drama. Lucia, 27, gave birth in January, a few months before lockdown. Like all babies, her child cries most days, especially now it's gotten hotter and stickier. Usually Lucia takes her out for a stroll, but that's harder at nighttime, which is when her elderly neighbour kicks off. “Every time my baby cries, the lady next door starts banging the walls. She came over once to say that the crying is keeping her up at night and I was like… I'm sorry but me too? If I could stop her from crying, I would?

"She said I should be grateful she hadn't filed a noise complaint. I nearly told her to fuck off, but she's like 80.”

While Alex and Lucia are having a hard time with their neighbours complaining, others are having a hard time with their neighbours full stop. “I live next to a house of six people who are now suddenly inside all the time as I guess they don't have uni anymore,” says Grace, 25. “But now all they do is party. And I'm talking until like 4 AM most nights listening to house and shouting over the music and stomping. I've told them to turn it down and they essentially told me to fuck off in all but words and that my blender is really loud? Like that's the same thing.

"I need to move out, but am obviously going to have to wait for weeks until that's remotely possible.”

Mia* had such a problem with one neighbour that she wound up leaving and staying at her mum's, even though that wasn't the plan. “I used to be friendly with this oldish guy in my block of flats, but since lockdown I kept seeing him more often and his behaviour got stalkerish. He'd find excuses to knock on my door constantly. This one time he bought me a toaster because it was a ‘really good one’. He also left a note that was like 'colourful t shirt today!' with a smiley face which I know isn't exactly a death threat but I found it really creepy! Like he'd been watching me.

"I started dreading leaving in case I'd bump into him. I didn't want things to turn sour, so for now I'm staying with my mum.”

Obviously getting into petty shit with neighbours has been around for as long as people have lived in houses (and probably caves). But meaning everyone's been stuck inside their homes in close proximity to one another, it's no wonder conflict is starting to spike. Add to that the fact everyone's anxiety rates are understandably higher than usual and you have a recipe for arguments and outbursts.

“Sometimes I have fantasies about smashing up their sound system that mummy and daddy probably paid for,” says Grace. “Would it make me feel better? Probably.”

* Name has been changed for anonymity

@daisythejones