Dear VICE: I Think You Got Me Fired

Dear Vice, I don't know if I'm emailing the right person so I hope this doesn't get deleted straight away. Basically, I'm rather embarrassed right now, and pissed off at you, myself, and my bad fucking luck for forgetting that VICE has some pretty weird and risqué headlines in the newsletter sometimes. My situation is thus: I'm a private maths and science tutor, and I teach kids aged nine up to 17 (ridiculously easy "job," but that's another story). Occasionally, while teaching GCSE students, I have to go through past papers on a laptop. I didn't have mine on me, so logged into SkyDrive on a student's laptop to retrieve a few. Obviously, as that is linked to the related email service, my inbox came up first. This is when I realized that turning the screen towards me while logging in might have been a wise option. What greeted my rather reserved, 15-year-old female student was a colorful VICE newsletter in all its glory. As it happens, it wasn't the craziest VICE newsletter as there have been some that were way worse. Upon first glance—"Gypsies Made Me Their Slave - Wow Hologram Tupac —I breathed a sigh of relief, but still clicked away rather frantically to change the screen as some guy with blacked out eyes looking like he's jerking off was near the top (naturally this is when the usually lightning-fast MacBook turns to shit). As I was doing this, my student made some embarrassed awkward glance away from the screen and said something about everyone getting spam (haha, take that VICE, being dissed by a 15-year-old GIRL). For some reason I defended you guys and replied that no, that's actually a decent magazine that I subscribe to, and then finally managed to change the page. Anyway, cut to a few hours later when I'm checking the newsletter and what do I see in bold on one side?
 
IS YOUR VAGINA THE WRONG COLOR?
Then you need some Midas Care muff whitener Complete with a a nice naked cartoon of a lady's nether region. Just fucking great. As I say, that's not the worst one I've seen so if anything, I should be thanking my lucky stars, and it was pretty much entirely my fault anyway. But just because I decided to defend you guys now I look like some pervert who subscribes to dodgy magazines. Yours,
Tutor who's soon to have one less student.

Dear Guy,

It could have been so much worse. Anyway, you're an idiot. Keep reading!

Lots of love,
VICE

If you want to subscribe to our newsletter and scandalize children with our milder headlines, then click this block of text right here.