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A Pair of Stoned Lads Have Ripped the Piss out of Alt-J

They call them rice cakes, basically.

by Joe Zadeh
19 May 2015, 10:01am

Apart from that phase we all went through of frustratingly and viciously attacking them for being too generic and normal to be viciously attacked, Leeds band Alt-J have managed to avoid much pisstake, parody or general fun pokery in their three-year rise. All they've really done is rack up a Mercury Prize, a UK number one, Grammy nominations and Ivor Novellos.

Until these two guys came along… (article continues below)

It’s such a convincing take down, you can forgive the duo for the incredibly irritating, slow and completely blazed way they fumble through their rice cakes, like newly hatched chicks pondering what their mother possibly wants them to do with the regurgitated worms she just spat in their face. Actually no, sorry - I can’t. I can’t let the rice cakes thing slide. It makes my teeth hurt. Finish your rice cakes then do what you need to do. You’re only on camera for three minutes - minutes YOU chose to record on webcam. Could you not have put the rice cakes to one side, just for this small globally broadcasted segment of your otherwise unrecorded evening?

Or maybe, just maybe, this bland yet prominent snack choice symbolises their final unspoken but most ultimate parring of Alt-J: “See your music, boys? When you take away your Gregorian chants, ethereal production, corporeal erotica and whimsical folk, you know what it is? It’s just dry fucking rice cakes.”

That’s how I read it anyway. In my opinion, the shots have been fired. Await Alt-J’s responding diss track. It's coming. Any second now.

UPDATE: Alt-J have now changed their Twitter profile photo to that of a rice cake. Today marks one small step for humour, one giant leap for rice cakes.

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If you like this, you're probably going to love the time when some fucking genius synced Notorious B.I.G.'s "Hypnotise" up with the 90s kids show Dinosaurs, or when DJ Zinc was remixed by a flute player.