Last night was the Brit Awards, but we all know what happened there. You watched it, you’ve read the Noisey thinkpiece, you’ve tweeted about Madonna, and now you’re cruising for a new perspective. Cruise no further. Just before lunch today, we called our man Big Narstie, grime’s most opinionated MC and former Noisey UK Man of the Year, to get the sketch on how his Brits night went.
Narstie is a close friend of Ed Sheeran and they celebrated the latter’s awards scoop in full force at the after parties. He only got home a few hours before we chatted, but surprisingly he remembers quite a lot. I should say he’s still pretty wasted during our call, so forgive the surreal tangents and just embrace them for what they are: a classy London made man reflecting on a few too many bevvies at the Brits.
Without any further delay. Here’s Big Narstie’s Brits night out.
Yo, Big Narstie?
It’s Joe from Noisey.
Wah gwan. I am fucked, oh my god. I’m still drunk. I been trying to sleep it off but fuck me, bruv.
What time did you go to bed?
What time is Jeremy Kyle on? Seven thirty? Eight? About then. I watched that and tried to eat my McDonalds.
Big night then?
Mmm. It was a sick night, bruv.
Did you have your BDL t-shirt on?
No, cuz! It was sophisticated. What do you mean, fam? I brought sexy. Any man over size 46 in jeans, I’m the reason why they fornicate. I bring sexy back for the fat guys.
What did you wear then?
Black Air Forces, black trousers, black shirt, TWO CHAINS! Bowler hat, looking pro-fession-al.
You didn’t wear a tie?
Nah, I wanted to wear the chains. Give them a bit of ghetto. My Winnie the Pooh chain was blinding them.
Were you sitting at the tables for the ceremony?
I didn’t get to go to the awards show, cos I had a gig in Leeds. So I came back and went straight to the after party. Awards show was for the mums and dads. Man touched down at the after party, and turned it into a ZOO, yeah?
Tigers, chimpanzees and orangutans on the LEFT. Straight intergalactic zoo, fam. You ever heard of an intergalactic zoo? That’s because you in space. Trust me. Lean.
What after show party did you go to then?
This was in the Free Masons Hall. Secret handshake shit. Flippin’ intergalactic stuff. Red carpet, walk in, see some buff chicks with trays of cocktails, big golden lion thing up front. I was quite surprised how many people wanted photos of me, cuz. I’m like Z-list to them motherfuckers. In there I am the ZED LIST. But trust me, I was in a lot of pictures, cuz. By end of the night I felt like I was at least on the B-list. I had a lot of celebrity women twerking on a low. Large up Rita Ora, she was fully on the grime. When man started shedding she was GASSING it.
Who else was there then?
Blur… Pirates of the Caribbean.
Orlando Bloom (pictured on Narstie's Instagram)?
Yeah. I’m there because of Ed (Sheeran) innit. But all these celebrity peoples, I don’t really know most of them. They’re not on World Star Hip Hop or Grime Report TV. You get me? I don’t see half of these people. Orlando Bloom, yeah, because everyone’s watched Pirates of the Caribbean. But people like Holly Willoughby and that? I didn’t even know who they were, but they respected man’s ting. It was actually a good vibe.
Operation Pisshead was in motion. And free alcohol, bruv. I was drinking some apple and mint rum juice. It tasted like J2O, but see at the bottom, cuz, that big rum shot. I drank like nine of them. I didn’t even feel wasted. I was outside turning the smoking section into AM-STER-DAM. Burning that thing. Saw Walter White!
What? Walter White from Breaking Bad was there?
No, his son, bruv! RJ Mitte! I was more gassed to see him than anyone else! Breaking Bad, what fucking genius.
Was everyone getting smashed?
Of course, cuz. Free drinks. Treating the bar. I was taking drinks, walking through the crowd, I spilled most of my drinks on my shoes and my trousers. Bruv, how do you piss on your shoes, when you’re peeing in a urinal? Work that one out! I’m standing in front of a urinal, and I still end up pissing on my shoes. Cos I’m a fucking state. I balanced it out though. Enough ganja to the alcohol. Balanced it out.
Did you see Skepta and crew there as well?
Did you see what happened with them and Kanye?
Yeah, they were used as back up dancers… (silence)
Okay moving on. Did you get on the mic at the after show?
Me and Ed were sitting together. I was drunk. I think it was DJ Zed Bias. He was on the decks, I came out the toilet, asked Ed’s mum if she was alright. Me and Momma E started skanking in the middle of the dance floor. Then I heard some grime come on, and I just walked up to the decks, took the mic and said “TAKEOVER! BDL TAKEOVER! BRITAIN TURNS TO SIDE WINDER RIGHT NOW! AUTO GAS!” And then Ed came running through the crowd screaming “GAS!” and “BASE!” and we turned that place into a zoo. Natural vibes.
Was it just you and Ed on the mic then?
Yeah. Everyone in there was civilised pissheads, cuz. It was like one of my BDL concerts. I couldn’t believe people in there knew Uncle Pain, singing “I’m smoking something gre-en!”
That sounds massive.
Did everyone leave at 7am or was it just you?
Nah, man left at 3am or 4am. Then man carried on the revolution. You get me? It was wrong though. Went gassed. I’m still fucked man. Fucked. What’s going on?
The time is now 1.30pm on Thursday 26th February.
I ain’t even had breakfast. I’m talking to you, on the toilet, having a shit, smoking a joint, trying to ride my buzz. When I get off this phone, I’m going back to sleep. Trust me, this is what you call having a good one. And I got a sick bowler hat!
They were giving them away.
Because I’m a made man. This is Narstie Clemenzo Corleone, motherfucker.
Was Ed happy with his awards then?
Yeah, over the moon man. He’s a humble G. For a man who sells out Wembley 3 times, his humbleness is amazing. He’s a good role model for me to have. Clean hearted and together.
How long you been friends?
I don’t even know. But that’s my bro. You get me? I’m the adopted one in the family.
That’s nice. Don’t you have some new music of your own coming soon too?
Yeah man, “Gas Pipe” out on Feb 28th. Please support! Video coming out is by me and Kevin Legend. BDL, brother. It’s the new England. We’re taking over.
I reckon you’re bigger than the EDL now.
One hundred percent! We’ll fuck them up cuz. Are you mad? I’ll punch man in the face. It’s all chill. None of that racism shit will be happening round here without an arse whooping. Anyway, fam, back to bed. Bless man.
Sleep well, Narstie.
You can follow Joe on Twitter.
"Gas Pipe" is out on Feb 28th.