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I Got Lady Chann to Give Me a Dancehall Makeover

We shoved our hands in crevices of Aloe Vera Juice and I attempted to find my way into her inner circle.
11 December 2013, 10:00am

We’ve all seen enough Sex and the City reruns to know that the best way to unleash pheromones is by going out braless, taking a boxercise class, or having a massive makeover. My tits are too free-spirited and feet too crowed for the first two but I decided to recapture some lost femininity by indulging in a nailbar splurge. I didn’t want to do it without a wing woman; I needed a Jessa to my Shoshanna, a no nonsense stylish kinda girl to mentor me through the smog of a harshly lit nail bar. This girl was Lady Chann, THE female face of dancehall music in the UK, whose hits "Sticky Situation" and "Treble To Your Bass" have clocked up millions of rewinds from carnival to Kingston.

We booked in for a manicure at Secrets nail bar in Leyton and I couldn’t wait for Chann to preach the ways of the world over gel soak offs, gossip, and lukewarm beverages.

Shouts to Secrets Nail Bar in Leyton. Their slogan is “Shhh, Nobody Needs to Know”.

Unfortunately, because Lady Chann doesn’t like public transport, she was about half an hour late. She made up for it though with all pink everything makeup, earrings, and shoes. It was a first-impression lesson in colour co-ordination and I made an immediate mental note to denounce the tube and match my accessories with my lipstick forever.

It’s the Wednesday before Chann’s performance with the Heatwave lads for their tenth anniversary Hot Wuk party. They’ve been mates forever, a friendship sparked when Heatwave member Gabriel booked Chann’s group Sun Cycle back in the early days of Heatwave, and she’s been a regular Hot Wukker ever since. “I love what Gabriel’s done with Heatwave. He’s nurtured it and made it grow into the brand that it is now. There’s nothing like it.”

The friendship helped Chann reign in a bunch of now-famous friends. A look at her video for “Sticky Situation” is evidence of this, with Gabriel on the decks, Toddla T and a fresh(er) faced Skream bouncing around in the background. “Oh yeah, I told them all to come down!” she tells me, “We all had a massive rave after that. Toddla put the record out on his label Girls Music and I’m still working with Sticky now.” It all sounds like one big family, and I’d like to be part of it.