No Bilderberg For Miliband

There's a good story Denis Healey tells in Jon Ronson's Them about inviting Margaret Thatcher to her first Bilderberg Group meeting back when she was a mere twinkle in the Tory Party's eye. After a day and a half of crypto-fascist think tanking, the other CEOs, world leaders and lizards present became frustrated that the young Thatcher had been silent. Healey had a word in her ear and the next day she blew their heads off with a "Thatcher special". She left with Henry Kissinger as her biggest champion and a fast track to Number 10.

Something similar happened with Bill Clinton. He walked into the Bilderberg Group as a promising politician, and left as a dead cert to become the most powerful man in the world.

You've got to assume that nothing like that has ever happened to Ed Miliband. It seems unlikely that the shadowy world figures who comprise Bilderberg have even heard of Ed, I know I haven't.

Whoever he is, his bumbling depression just isn't very New World Order, is it? Plus, judging by this video, he's not only the uncharismatic death of the Left, he's also a clockwork automaton that can only be loaded with one paragraph of speech at a time. Seriously, watch it. If he's not having a fucking breakdown then he's the worst person on the planet.

Somewhere in the real world, David Miliband is boning his saucy wife in a limo on his way to Henry Kissinger's house, laughing as his idiot brother sinks.

DICKIE TUMMY