2017 might’ve been the worst year in modern history. You didn't need us to tell you that. But if you’re holding out hope that things will turn around next year, we have some bad news for you: they won’t. 2018 will be much, much worse. In fact, we’ve set ourselves up for one epically bad year after another with no foreseeable end. So the only thing you can do to endure the increasingly nightmarish world we live in is to enjoy the everloving hell out of the few, fleeting good moments that happen in between waves of shit. Here’s a list of 117 objectively good things that happened in 2017. Hold them close to you. Let the good vibes they give off fuse with your DNA and keep you sedated through the Hellworld we inhabit.
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When Ryan Adams Went Off on Father John Misty and the Strokes Dude on Twitter
Honestly, not a good thing for him but a cautionary tale for the rest of us: The sun is not a toy.
This Guy Whose Stomach Looked Like Woody Harrelson
A Near Endless Supply of Richard Spencer Nazi Punch Remixes
The Kids Who Ruined Their Dad’s TV Appearance
This Fuckin Guy
Bill O’Reilly Getting Fired for Being a Pervy Ballbag
TW: Mario’s dong
This Desus & Mero Segment About Wheel of Fortune
“On-the-spot dicespin.”
The First Five Minutes of Baby Driver
When That Annoying Twitter Chode Accidentally Tweeted About Tentacle Porn
That Scene in the Ric Flair 30 for 30 Where He Estimates That He’s Slept with 10,000 Women
When Noisey Hit 420,000 Twitter Followers on 4/20
Lena Dunham’s Dog
Dogs in General, Honestly
When Mutoid Man and Miny from Royal Thunder Covered Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball”
The Young Thug Music Video That Got Made Even Though Young Thug Didn’t Bother to Show Up
Larry King Vaping
Brad Pitt Vaping
Ten Straight Hours of Jimmy Barnes Screaming
This Skate Video
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The Repeated Public Owning of Silicon Valley Dipshits Trying to Pass Things Like Juicers and Bodegas Off as New Inventions
The Hero Who Fixed the Hollywood Sign
Bo Dietl Humiliating Himself for an Entire Election Season and Still Getting Less Than One Percent of the Vote
Rage Against the Machine but with Owen Wilson Saying “Wow” Instead of a Wah Pedal
Chris Christie Getting Owned by Beach Memes
Chris Christie Getting Owned by Callers While Filling in for Mike Francesa
Chris Christie Getting Owned by a Cubs Fan
This Video
Carly Rae Jepsen’s Gradual Transformation into the Waitress from Always Sunny
The Warped Tour Ending
This Onion Article
Martin Shkrelboy Going to Jail
The Snapchat Hot Dog (RIP)
The Glorious Ten Days When The Mooch Was the White House Communications Director and Managed to Make “Sucking My Own Dick” Part of National Conversation
“Goop on Ya Grinch”
This Season Finale of Nathan For You
Michael McDonald Dueting with Thundercat
Yacht rock is back, baby!
Roger Ailes Dying While (Possibly) on the Toilet
Danny Brown Getting into Mount Eerie
“By deciding to write my own album promos, I can perform some market research. For example, this album description text will undoubtedly be copy/pasted by most online retailers onto their respective sites because they don't write their own new album reviews or get too excited about music, they simply want to create the illusion that they're in business to sell records. So I could put something like: Fuck all website retailers that copy/paste this description onto their site because they are too fucking cheap, lazy or chicken shit to have an opinion to write individual album reviews—and they probably wouldn't even notice while doing it. Anyway, back to my new album. These songs are pretty good, most likely way better than your songs, and I don't even have time to be a real songwriter, so what does that say about you?”
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The Christiano Ronaldo Statue
“Call Me Crunk but I’m Crazy!”
Nicki Minaj Taking Off for Prague
ThE MoCkInG SpOnGeBob MemE
ThE NeW TaYlOr SwIfT AlBuM
The Oscar Going to La La Land by Mistake
The Dog Named “Featuring Ludacris” on Big Mouth
Every Migos Video, Pretty Much
Marshmello Playing at the Indy 500
Bud Light Lime Pomegranate-rita
Drake’s Bar Mitzvah Birthday Party
Cardi B Being on Every Magazine Cover
“This Is the Future That Liberals Want”
Kid Rock Not Running for Senate to Spend More Time Being a Piece of Shit
Galaxy Brain
The Mask Off Challenge
We’re Required to Mention Game of Thrones at Least Once so Here, Nerds, We Did It
Cracking Open a Cold One with the Boys
#InADreamChallenge
Dolly Parton Still Being Alive
The Security Robot That Drowned Itself
No Nuclear War! (Yet)
That Kevin James Show Straight Killing Off the Wife to Bring in Leah Remini
Lampin’
Tomi Lahren Getting Fired and Wale Ruining Her Name for Life
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This Fellow
Gucci Mane Cutting His $75k Wedding Cake with a Sword
(Pro or con, we like ‘em all!)
Nautical Realism Making a Comeback
Frank Ocean’s Panorama T-shirt
None of the Rick and Morty Nerds Getting Szechuan Sauce
Penis Hernandez
Coke
Playboi Carti Mixing Two Soups Together
If anyone knows what kind of soups hit us up because we have thoughts.
Baked Alaska Getting Banned from Twitter
Jonah Hill Cosplaying as Post Malone
Tw1tter Picasso’s Account
This Woman’s Pickle ASMR Channel
Reince Priebus Getting Fired While Golfing
The “Take a Knee, My Ass” Song, Which Sucks Many a Huge Butt
The Black Panther Trailer
All of America Looking at Charlie Sheen’s 9/11 Movie and Collectively Saying FOHHH
Lady Bird’s Use of Dave Matthews Band
The Last 60 Seconds of Charly Bliss' Cover of "Steal My Sunshine"
Sean Astin in Stranger Things 2
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