We Spoke to Some Pissed Up Australians Outside Walkabout on Australia Day

Depending on who you are, the Walkabout in Temple is either the best or the worst place to be for Australia Day in the UK. If you're Australian, it's ideal – everyone's drunk; you don't have to explain what "white dog" and "dooley" mean; and everyone knows the words to "Khe Sanh", Australia's informal national anthem.

For others, it exists primarily as a window into the world of how homesick Australian ex-pats live outside of their residential West London enclaves. Everyone's drunk; everyone's talking in completely unintelligible slang; and they're all singing some weird song about the Vietnam War.

I'm Australian, so fall firmly into the former camp, and decided to head down to the Thames' finest Antipodean novelty bar for last night's 'Straya Day celebrations. There, I spoke to some Aussie ex-pats about what it means to be an Australian in 2015.

VICE: Hi Matthew. How long you been in the UK for?
Matthew: I've been here for seven months. I'm from West Perth.

Cool. What does Australia Day mean to you?
It's a time for everyone to come together, get drunk, sing "Khe Sanh", wear a singlet and generally be racist.

Fair enough. What's the general perception of Australians in London?
It's good. We fit in here because the English are actually quite racist and just general arseholes as well.

Why did you choose the Walkabout for Australia Day?
I came here because I wanted to see the worst of Australia in another country. This is it. Temple Walkabout is notoriously the worst place to be. I had to see it.

How is it so far?
Tame.

What's upsetting you in Australia at the moment?
I love Tony Abbott.

You love Tony Abbott?
On the record – I fucking love Tony Abbott!

What inspires your love for such a deeply unpopular man?
Because it pisses off vacant idiots who don't know shit about politics.

Where are you from, Georgia?
Georgia: I'm from Darwin, Northern Territory – the most Australian place in Australia.

What does Australia Day mean to you?
Farkin Straya Day is about loving your country, loving your family – loving everything Australia does well and being grateful for it. Being from the luckiest country in the world, we [Australians] should be appreciative of what we have back home. You get paid shit in London and get paid amazing in Australia.

How long have you been here?
I've been here about nine months. I do love London; I'd live here forever if I got paid more and it wasn't so expensive. If I found a rich English husband I would stay here forever.

What if he turned out to be a pompous Piers Morgan-style character?
Fuck. You'd stay here for a couple extra months, wouldn't you? And then get rid of him, eh?

Yeah, makes sense.
You know what it's about, mate – you know how it is.

What's pissing you off about living in England?
The cold. I'm from fucking Darwin, where we get 37 degrees every day. I've never had a winter in my life. I'm fucking freezing my arse off.

What are your thoughts on English men?
Nah, nah, mate – you want to find an Australian who's living and working over here. They're the prime ones you want.

What's wrong with the English?
Ah, they're just fucking shit, aye? They just take where they are for granted. You know, they live in London; they can go anywhere they want. They're like, "Yeah, I live in Europe, but whatever, I haven't travelled around Europe." Mate, what the fuck? You live right fucking there! Go to France for a weekend, mate, it's not hard.

And what's pissing you off back home?
Fucking Tony Abbott. Isn't everyone pissed off with that guy? What the fuck is wrong with him? Fuck, mate! Look after your poor people, look after your old and sick, and your students, cause they are fucking making your country's future, aren't they?

Hi guys. Where are you both from?
Matt: I'm from Australia.

Okay. Whereabouts?
Whereabouts? I'm from the Blue Mountains in Sydney.

Amazing, that's such a nice spot. You bliss out up in the hills?
Yes! Man – blissing out, smoking billies.

What are you doing in London?
What am I doing in London? Fuck knows, mate – getting kicked out of shitty Australian novelty clubs, apparently. My mate got bounced.

So what's going on tonight? Is this usually how you celebrate Australia Day?
Fuck all, really – just a bunch of people dancing around, 'cause, you know, we're bloody Australian!
Lachlan: The security guards here are gay dogs!
Matt: Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, 'cause Australia is totally for that. But fuck Tony Abbott – he isn't.
Lachlan: Fuck Tony Abbott, he's a gay dog! Anyway, these security guards here… especially that cunt over there – he's being a piece of shit.
Matt: He's a bit of a skinhead bastard.
Lachlan: He can't handle the odd joke or two.

What happened?
I was hanging over there, talking some shit, as you do on Australia Day. I was like "Oi, oi, I'm gonna jump in there!" He was like, "Nah, fuck off, cunt." I was like "Eh, I was just playing with ya, ya shit cunt."

Then they were like, "Oi, serious, go over there, don't muck around!"

We were like, "Chill out, cunt."

They're too serious. We were just trying to fuck shit up. As you do… as you fucking do on Australia Day. We're just trying to have some fun; there's no need to be a piece of shit.

How would it have been handled differently in Australia?
If we were in Australia, we would be talking to the seckas [security] and they'd be like, "We understand." If you talk one-on-one with security, they're alright, occasionally.

Hi there. What does Australia Day mean to you?
Emma: It's just… if you're living away from Australia, it makes you feel more at home – it gives you a sense of what being Australian is about.

And what's that?
Like, mate-ship, and having fun. You go in there and everyone's boozed and having fun, but it's not disgusting – it's a good time and it's fun. I was going in there and expecting it to be so gross, and I've left being like, 'It's really fun – everyone's happy and friendly.' It's like being home; it just makes you appreciate where you're from.

Beyond just family and friends, what does the occasion mean to you?
Australia Day makes us feel free. As a woman – as a white woman – I feel very open to talk about my sexuality, my beliefs… and that's so being Australian. Other countries – other cultures – can't talk about that kind of stuff 'cause of religion, or how they were brought up. In Australia you're a strong, independent woman and you can talk about anything you believe in – your opinion on things.

It sounds like you miss home a little.
I don't know. I met an English boy, so that's why I'm here.

Does anything piss you off about Australia?
I would say… Tony Abbott, but I don't know why. I haven't got to that stage in my life where I'm totally into that yet. I wanna learn more about politics – what I'm voting for and why I'm voting for them. I'm not quite there yet. I've seen and read a little bit about Tony Abbott, and I don't think it's for me, but I know you can't always trust what you read or what you see – you need to delve more into it. So I don't know… I think we're pretty good after the whole Sydney Siege thing.

You're from Sydney, right?
Yeah, I'm from Sydney. After I saw how [the Sydney Siege] was handled, I was expecting a lot of racism, because I've seen that before. But there was hardly any racism – it was all like, "I'll ride with you" and that kind of thing. I feel really blessed, like – yes, that's what I want us Australians to look like. We're not close-minded; we're open minded – we're not gonna take any shit, but we'll accept anyone.

HI Daisy. Can you tell me what Australia Day is?
Australia Day is the best day outside of AFL [Australian Football League] Grand Final day.

What does Australia Day mean to you?
Well, I actually don't agree with the premise of Australia Day – I actually refer to it as "Invasion Day". It's really wrong. I feel like there's probably a better way we could celebrate Australia, and on a day we all agree on.

Is there anything you want to see changed back home by Australia Day next year?
Racism and our prime minster, Tony Abbott. He's a cunt. Australia is slightly behind: we're homophobic, we're racist and we're slightly sexist. Europe just seems more progressive in those ways; people seem to be a lot more accepting – we seem, in some parts, to be stuck in our old ways a bit.

Don't get me wrong – I love Australia, and on the whole it's really great, but we have room for improvement.

What do you miss most about home?
The weather, and the fact that people are laid back and the boys are handsome.

Thanks, Daisy.

Some more stories about Australia:

Apparently Pissing Into Your Own Mouth Is 'Huge' in Australia

Reasons Why British People Shouldn't Hate Australians

'The Mole' Is Australia's Female Douchebag