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I'm Dreaming of Versace's New Hotel

It better be the most glamorous place in the entire universe.

A weekly roundup of anything fashion-related that's made us excited about having bodies that we can dress with clothes.

VERSACE ARE OPENING ANOTHER HOTEL

This is what I imagine it will be like: you are ushered into a welcoming poolside area which is hosted by beautiful tanned people wearing togas. There is Lavazza on tap and on ice. There is at least one celebrity present, possibly Bruce Willis. The lovely servants wrap you in a perfectly chilled silk toga of your own, then they take you and possibly Bruce Willis through to the entry hall which is just wow. After that you go to your room and it has both state of the art air-conditioning and a huge wood-burning fireplace. It is full of plants. There is a balcony, and an ashtray which you will later discover is made of 24-carat gold and Donatella's fingernail clippings. There is a slide that takes you from your bed down to the swimming pool which has a Nobu under the surface. The fish is incredibly fresh. It costs one million pounds per night. We shall see.

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ANNA WINTOUR APPEARS ON INSTAGRAM – PEOPLE CARE

In other fashion news, the US Vogue Instagram posted a picture of Anna Wintour reading her second favourite magazine after VICE. Evidently Anna doesn't need to worry about being usurped by Carine because although her picture was beige through and through, it still managed to gather nearly 30k likes, and a whole bunch of press coverage. It also sparked the hashtag #voguestagram, where everyone was supposed to take a picture of themselves reading US Vogue. I would have joined in but I only read US Vogue when I'm pretending not to cry in the hairdresser, which I visit once every five years, as a Nicky Clarke-in-training hacks a bit more of my jewfro off. Nobody wants to see that.

THE BEST T-SHIRT OF ALL TIME

Um, what? How had I never thought of this phrase until yesterday morning when I saw this T-shirt and realised there was no other item of clothing that would be appropriate to wear on my Ibiza loliday next month for the full duration. Not only is it Barbie font, with a great sentiment and it's pink, it is also a saving grace to an over-sangria'd me in a non-English speaking country when I genuinely do need to find the Beach, Please. You might as well get one even if you're not going away because the beauty of it is that this literally works all year round. I'm not allowed to write those last three words in capitals but please imagine it's in capitals because I'm incredibly excited about this T-shirt and I feel like you're not getting that.

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GOLA

And finally, I'm sorry to break it to you but sandal and sock season is nearly over, and we're all going to have to start wearing real-person shoes to work again. I'm really gutted too. But at least it opens up a whole new world of shoes, and also pretty much makes it a requirement that you go out and buy yourself some new pairs. You could start with a pair from the AW13 Gola X Liberty "Art Fabrics" a whole range of classic Gola trainers decked out in yep, classic Liberty print fabrics. Classic. There are also some great bags, which you don't have any reason or excuse to buy but hello, you never needed one before.

Follow Bertie on Twitter: @bertiebrandes

Previously – Let's All Take a Minute to Remember That Snapback Fedoras Exist