Ukrainians Are Responding to the Threat of Nukes By Organising an Orgy

As countries across Europe review their radiation pill supplies under the looming threat of a nuclear attack by Vladimir Putin, Ukrainians have decided to respond with humour – and plan an orgy on a hill outside Kyiv.

More than 15,000 people have subscribed to “Orgy on Shchekavystsa: Official”, which was set up on the 26th of September, and the intention is to head there in the event of a nuclear attack – as opposed to finding the nearest bunker. 

The opening post told members to decorate their hands with stripes to designate what their interests were ahead of visiting the hill – three strips symbolises anal sex, and four means oral sex. They then posted: “They say that all the apartments with a view of Shchekavystsa have for some reason disappeared from real estate sites.”

Radio Free Europe interviewed a local woman about the group, who said: “It’s the opposite of despair. Even in the worst-case scenario, people will look for something good. That’s the mega-optimism of Ukrainians.”

A man said: “It’s an attempt to show that the more they try to scare us, the more we will transform it into something else.” 

The Telegram group posts updates about the Russian war, in which the Ukrainian military’s counteroffensive efforts in Kherson have recently been described as “BDSM parties for Russians”. An image of the Ukrainian army’s advance was called a “masturbation photo” in the group. 

When an air alarm sounded on the 30th of September, they posted: “Is it time?” with a smiley face. 582 people responded, also with smiley faces. 

Ukrainian comedian Verka Serduchka posted in support of the Telegram group four days ago.  

Kyiv has also made an effort to protect itself from a possible nuclear blast; pharmacies are stocked with radiation pills and basements are open to act as shelters if needed. 

Beyond’s Ukraine’s borders, countries like Poland have also spent recent weeks delivering pills to pharmacies around the country and more will be arriving in the coming days. 

But even countries further afield are beginning to worry; local media in Cyprus reports that iodine pills are not available on the island, and that pharmacists only had dietary iodine supplements available, which do not provide protection in the case of a nuclear event. 

The Times on Monday reported that Nato was believed to have warned its members that Putin could stage a nuclear test on Ukraine’s borders.

In the meantime, the orgy Telegram group keeps posting and there now appear to be splinter groups, with one declaring an orgy on Derybasivska Street in Odessa. Yesterday, Elon Musk posted on Twitter with his controversial suggestions for ending the Russian invasion, which the Kremlin went on to praise the Tesla boss for. 

Orgy on Shchekavystsa responded by posting: “Official statement: As of today, Elon Musk is persona non grata in Shchekavystsa.”