Being the innovative, politically engaged, sorts we are, we were first inspired to pair politicians with their DJs and producers early this year when New York/Tokyo collab DJ Sprinkles and Mark Fell released two tracks from their new Fresh Insights EP. On one track, the pair made some serious waves, layering the deepest of house with a recording of a speech by radial left-wing politician Tony Benn.
When we first posted the article the general election was still more than 100 days away. The doomsday headlines, constant opinion polls, gaffes, re-gaffes, apologies, mega-mega apologies, campaign trials, coloured ties and the word 'deficit' on loop, were still a faint droning sound in the distance. Now full election fever has descended, and while last week we took a look at the real world impact each party might have on British nightlife, our thoughts have once again turned to the real work at hand: deciding which DJs and producers should remix which politicians.
So consider this your pre-election mix. If, like us, you're planning on pulling an all-nighter on May 7th, then this is the playlist you need in order to properly appreciate the multitude of dynamics our perennially confusing political class have to offer.
Nick Clegg - Armand Van Helden
Nick has probably spent most of this election expecting the worse, so much so he was apparently completely floored when an audience actually applauded him the other day. With that in mind, it is only fitting one of his speeches be reworked by a producer who is in touch with his softer side. If Armand Van Helden is capable of producing a Sam Smith remix, then surely he can bring some deep Boston vibes to one of Nick's apologies.
Choice cut: Sad lad's anthem "Flowerz".
Expect: One for the miserable democrats out there.
Boris Johnson - Todd Terje
This pairing would be perfect thanks to Terje's perceptive ability for taking fun seriously. Boris Johnson, after all, is a bit of a clown, only he's also a worryingly powerful clown that people also take really seriously.
Choice cut: "Strandbar" – because it sounds like the sort of trendy bottle service venue that would open in Boris's London.
Expect: Outlandish exotic rhythms and even more outlandish property prices.
Ed Miliband - Jamie xx
Don't know if you've heard, but Ed Miliband is really cool. He is the smouldering socialist for the Buzzfeed generation. A hunky nerd adored by a league of teenage girls. Who better to pair him up with then, than the poster boy for a new generation of sonic pioneers. Replace the "they're telling us hard house will die" on "All Under One Roof", replace it with "Hell yes I'm tough enough", and you've got a track set to rocket up the charts and the opinion polls.
Choice Cut: "Gosh". Presumably Ed's reaction when he found out teenagers were writing fan-fiction about him.
Expect: All Under One Roof Saving our NHS.
Vince Cable - MJ Cole
Vince Cable sounds like he could be a garage MC. Or an evil electrician in a cartoon. But let's run with garage MC. Everyone is standing around in trackies, baseball cap peaks pulled over their eyes, MJ Cole drops a scattershot 4/4 shuffle and we wait for him to take to the mic: "VC on the re-wind – The Cable Guy coming at you."
Expect: "Do you really like it? Is it, is it wicked? We're liberal, liberal, democrats, we're liberal like that."
Choice Cut: Whether you vote for them or not, old Vince does seem pretty "Sincere".
Nicola Sturgeon - Hudson Mohawke
Both are making sure Scottish voices are heard on unprecedented scales. One is doing it with Kanye West, the other with Alex Salmond.
Choice cut: The celebratory war march of "Chimes".
Ed Balls - Ed Balls
Choice cut: Ed Balls.
Expect: Ed Balls.
David Cameron - Disclosure
Disclosure have gained haters and fans in huge swathes through their re-packaging of house for the masses. Whilst David Cameron has pulled off a similarly divisive public image, we feel he could learn from the Lawrence brothers. Disclosure suggest, contrary to the bedroom tax, that house should be for everyone right?
Choice Cut: Now that he tells voters he is pumped up, shouldn't be too much of a stretch for him to start saying he would "Bang That" deficit down even further.
Expect: Latch ft. Sam Cameron
Natalie Bennett - Floorplan
When we interviewed Robert Hood recently he told us, "I'm looking at the world through the eyes of love and grace. When you understand grace, you understand that we're all in this together." That's basically a Green Party policy right?
Choice Cut: The global-scale euphoria of "We Magnify His Name".
Expect: All the feels in the world maaaaan.
Nigel Farage - Rødhåd
It used to be that Rødhåd was a Berlin-only secret. But in recent years his sets have started moving freely around Europe, including visits to Britain — no doubt in order to take advantage of our generous sound systems. We reckon it is time to get Nige behind the 1s and 2s, fag hanging out of his grinning mouth, reppin' the best of British over that pesky European techno.
Choice Cut: "Newspeak" taken from Rødhåd's album 1984 released on his label Dystopian. All images I think we could safely attach to the idea of a UKIP government.
Expect: Strict entry policy.
Leanne Wood - Annie Mac
The first woman leader of Plaid Cymru reworked by the first woman to host Radio One's evening show. Mac isn't necessarily known for her remixes, but stick Wood on a minimix and enjoy some drive-time Welsh shout-outs.
Choice cut: Annie's glowing "Sunshine Mix" from 2013.
Expect: Special delivery of promises.
George Osborne - Skrillex
When he's not digging for those deep NHS cuts, we imagine George Osborne likes to keep his EDM pretty big budget. Skrillex is a perfect pairing, harsh and relentless – and for a man who cried at Margaret Thatcher's funeral, we can safely assume huge industrial drops won't go amiss.
Choice Cut: Shouts out to all my posh boys, "BANGARANG"
So there you have it. The perfect election night playlist. Place these tunes next to each-other and you've got...well in all honestly you've probably got a completely discordant mess, but that's sort of fitting, right?