FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Entertainment

Global Trend Report 2009 - Copenhagen & Helsinki

The days of moronic sneaker dudes with colorful shoelaces are long gone. Guys won't be caught dead in anything other than muted, somber colors.

BOYS

The days of moronic sneaker dudes with colorful shoelaces are long gone. Guys won’t be caught dead in anything other than muted, somber colors. Forget about skinny jeans—the guy who pulls off the widest jodhpurs without looking completely stupid wins. Tweed ankle-length 1920s pants and dark suit pants pulled halfway up on the calf are all over the place. They’re worn with black ankle socks and fancy shoes that will blind you with their shininess.

Advertisement

Cardigans, vests, and penguin coats are still the cornerstones of outerwear, with Wood Wood and Vibskov putting new spins on old styles. Accessories like round glasses, suspenders, bow ties, and black Charlie Chaplin bowlers add flair. A 1930s camera bag found in a Brooklyn thrift store for five bucks will impress the shit out of anyone. In fact, if your wardrobe consists of stuff you bought outside the country, people will follow you around like Jesus.

GIRLS

After years at the forefront of oversize, overprinted street and club fashions, Danes have yanked the handbrake and made a screeching U-turn back to the beginning of the 20th century. Sure, Danish girls are still laughably overdressed, but in a more distinguished manner. Exaggerated versions of the hunter and secretary looks are popular and also helpful in identifying relationship status. Single girls looking to rope a manly beast opt for the refined-hunter style, wearing dresses or skirts imprinted with classic British deer, dog, and rifle patterns, along with high-collared blouses and wool stockings. The secretary trend is a subtle way of signaling that you’re in a “serious relationship.” These girls wear tweed skirts and wool cardigans, topping it off with big bows and pearls. No matter what their style, the hair is up in knots, and long necklaces coupled with a monocle, animal paw, or old watch pendant take a titty dip.

Advertisement

BOYS

The smarmy bookworm look is now very popular among Finnish guys. In order to appear manlier and more sophisticated than they really are, boys are sporting shirts or turtlenecks in basic colors, cardigans made for geriatrics, secondhand blazers initially tailored for much wealthier people, and leather boots. During the colder months, they wrap it all up in well-designed parkas or trench coats.

The perfect fit for pants is neither too tight nor too baggy, and a thick, well-groomed mustache is the most sought-after accessory that you can’t find at the boutique. It’s a trend not all Finns can follow because of genetic hairlessness, so guys who have the face of a villain from a silent film are coveted. There’s still a small but colorful lot who combine Nikes made for 12-year-olds with tacky sweaters Bill Cosby wouldn’t wipe his ass with, but these fellows are thinning out due to the permeation of machismo throughout Finland.

GIRLS

Having realized that “looking cool” relies on appearing apathetic and laid-back, previously so-called fashionable Finnish girls have embraced an antifashion trend. Put simply, not giving a fuck is now chic. Mixing leggings with a flannel shirt out of a 4 Non Blondes video is a good start. Insanely high heels designed by misogynistic gay men go perfectly with this outfit and show that secretly you do give a little bit of a shit. When it comes to hair, forget about the punky, complicated cuts of yore. Girls are letting their manes grow and a piss-hued dye is popular with those who idolize Edie Sedgwick in the twilight of her junkie phase. Fur hats and fur scarves are now mainstays, and ladies are gobbling up anything made of a combination of lace, leather, and fur. As for jewelry, you can’t toss a hunk of cubic zirconium into the street without hitting a stack of overlapping silver bracelets and gypsy rings.