Please help. My eyes. They have rolled into the back of my head. Call me cynical, but you might say it seems very much like Ed Sheeran, known sales obsessive, is attempting to saturate the market so that he can appeal to as many listeners as possible. You might say that because he has released YET ANOTHER version of "Perfect," this time featuring legendary Italian singer Andrea Bocelli. He's called it "Perfect Symphony." When, I humbly ask, will it end?
What's particularly funny about this is that by releasing all of these different-but-ultimately-the-same versions of "Perfect," its formulaic and bland nature is exposed. Essentially it's a boring ballad that could be sung by anyone. Getting Bocelli on the track, however, scales new heights of ridiculousness, so I chronicled myself listening to it so you don't have to stress yourself out doing the same (though if you'd like to, it's at the top of the page.)
0:10: There's violin plucking I REPEAT VIOLIN PLUCKING. Getting in the recovery position just in case.
0:29: So far this just sounds like the original with """"classical"""" sounds chucked on top of it. My mum would probably like it to be fair.
0:44: The strings on the chorus are quite pretty. Shame they're on an Ed Sheeran song that was written to be played on an acoustic guitar and are therefore entirely incongruous!
1:46: Here's the good man Andrea Bocelli belting in Italian on an Ed Sheeran song I am gone.
2:20: He sounds lovely fair play to him.
3:31: Ah yes. Yes that is Sheeran wrecking it by also singing in Italian. I feel like I am having a really specific nightmare. What is going on. Please. My family is dying.
4:25: Can't even string a sentence anymore to be honest. What's gone on? Does Ed Sheeran own the whole of music now? This is my personal Truman Show.
Please assure Lauren she's actually real on Twitter.