Drip Doctors is an "IV Vitamin Therapy & Lifestyle Medspa" where discerning celebrity clientele can undergo revitalising treatments, such as "Vampire Facials," "Hangover Drips," and (perhaps) "Sexual Intercourse."
This is a stemwinder of a story starring Samir Nasri, the Man City stud who is currently out on loan at Sevilla. Mr. Nasri's Wild Ride begins, naturally, in Los Angeles. This past Tuesday, he stopped into Drip Doctors where CEO Jamila Sozahdah treated him with "a concierge Immunity IV Drip to keep him hydrated & in top health during his busy soccer season." It was a gift from his girlfriend, supermodel Anara Atanes, renowned deliverer of foul-mouth pro-Nasri rants.
The situation proceeded to gets awfully sticky.
Following the IV Drip, a series of since-deleted X-rated Tweets originated from @samnasri19, the first of which read, "U also provided me a full sexual service too right after. So guys make sure you get this service. This whore comes and fucks the same night."
Later, his Twitter account would mention "Jamila" by name and provide this gem about social media overlords robbing Nasri of his sworn duty to let his amigos know Drip Doctors leaves their patients with that certain warm happy glow. "Unfortunately my twitter keeps deleting tweets. But just letting you boys know if you are in the la area and feeling lonely msg @DripDoctors."
They would devolve from there, at which point Atanes responded on her own social media account. She hit up the 'Gram with this "coded" thought on the dawn of 2017, captioned thusly: "Girls all girls deserve loyalty and respect. This is my wish for every respectful and decent girl in 2017. Happy new year [heart emoji]."
Later, the inevitable Tweet from the former Arsenal star popped up:
It's been reported that Nasri and Atanes are kaput, so while everybody loves a quality football sex scandal, it seems to be a shopworn story about infidelity between three consenting adults, with a mystery Twitter hacking.
Oh, and the World Anti-Doping Agency.
Here's an O. Henry worthy twist: the rejuvenation treatment Atanes set up that led to the late-night treatment that landed Nasri in the doghouse may be in violation of the international drug police. The Independent explains:
"The Manchester City midfielder, on loan to Sevilla, was said by the 'Drip Doctors' clinic in Los Angeles to have been given an 'Immunity Drip', which includes one litre of hydration fluid. The World Anti-Doping Agency (WAda) only allows intravenous infusions of up to 50 millilitres unless there is a clear medical reason, such as a hospital admission, or if the athlete has a Therapeutic Use Exemption (TUE).
"The Spanish anti-doping agency (AEPSAD) have opened an investigation into Nasri and his use of the IV drip, according to Spanish newspaper El Pais. Sevilla are said to be surprised by the allegations, and will ask Nasri for an explanation when he returns to Spain on Thursday after spending the winter break in the United States."
No matter how it shakes out, one thing is clear: Samir Nasri is a real drip.