Will These Ideas Save Labour in 2017?

Politics is not about making the world better. Politics is about understanding what way the wind is blowing and thinking of ways to follow, all while maintaining your social standing and avoiding any of the resulting mess. Therefore, all worthwhile political movements are marked by their ability to innovate. To morph depending on the mood of the day and constantly re-invent themselves.

To the Labour Party – the one true political party – and its fellow travellers, solid principles and consistent beliefs are synonymous with rigid, even primitive thinking. Real leadership is to be found in the wisdom of realising that, while millions of people might be wrong, there's no point in trying to change their minds.

Crisis engenders creativity, so for Labour, each disappointing poll rating or embarrassing gaffe is like cow shit sprayed to fertilise the field of left wing comeback. 2017 has already seen a wealth of great ideas to rejuvenate the left and get them back into the conversation for long enough to maybe, at some point, say something useful. Let's take a look at the most dynamic political thought on the scene right now.

The Fabian Society report "Stuck: How Labour is too weak to win, and too strong to die" has two real strengths. Firstly, Too Weak to Win, To Strong to Die sounds like an album from a "Ones to watch for 2017 list". Secondly, it was released on the 3rd of January, when political journalists were casting around for anything to write about while their body clocks were still expecting an 11 o'clock wake up after a lie-in. This ensured it got a fair amount of coverage.

Unfortunately, that's where its strengths end… would be the satisfying, catty thing to say. But actually, the 12-page briefing paper contains what appears to be a half-way decent analysis of how the Labour party is in quite a bad place, or at least some sort of grasp on reality. It says that Labour lost a lot of voters who supported the party as recently as 2015, and they must be won back; that if the polls were replicated at the election Labour could win fewer than 200 seats; that having no clue on Brexit is a really bad look; that it could get worse; doom; etc etc.

So far, so good – so what's the solution? The Fabs' idea is to create a "progressive alliance" with parties like the Lib Dems and SNP.

This is an idea borne out of desperation, but then I guess these are desperate times. So let's put aside any objections for now: How might Labour position itself in such an alliance?

What the fuck does any of that actually mean?

I think the key sentence here is: "The newly dominant social/cultural axis that runs between Blair's liberal internationalism and Trump's social authoritarianism." So the new centre is somewhere in between bombing Iraq and grabbing someone by the pussy.

HOW BAD AN IDEA IS THIS:
It's a sensible, well-researched idea that would see Labour regain ground by claiming the midway point between the tortured guilt of Tony Blair and the bruised ego of Donald Tump.

Labour strategists are gearing up to re-launch Jeremy Corbyn as a populist. Any minute now they're going to be riding the wave of anti-establishment feeling using Corbyn's "unvarnished authenticity" as a surfboard.

The cynic in me is reading this as a bit circular. "Here's the plan: We're going to re-invent this hated politician by making him popular." But it also makes me think of a metal kid at my sixth-form who completely re-invented his entire personality over the weekend by taking a trip to Topman and getting a normal haircut – a move that inexplicably completely worked.

Some of the commentariat have been trying to flesh out the details – much of which has involved a lot of frankly not unwarranted hand wringing over whether the term "populism" necessarily includes "being more xenophobic" (think populist, think Farage, Trump, Italy's 5 Star movement… loads of people who are popular for being dicks). But maybe he could swerve migrant hating by unapologetically picking on another folk devil – say the sweat-shop, zero hour, poverty wage boss men who by Wednesday had earned as much as the rest of us will all year.

HOW BAD AN IDEA IS THIS:
Reportedly, "Corbyn is expected to appear more frequently on television, and a newly expanded team of advisers are working to formulate flagship policies that would underline his willingness to lead a revolt against vested interests." So looks like he's going to do the basic minimum things a leader of a political party would normally do, which is a start.

Nationalise the railways. Solid ground for Labour. Nobody likes fat-cats making shit loads of money from a daily commute that feels like being trapped in a crowded sauna during an earthquake, right?

But how should the left electrify its policy platform and build up a head of steam to stop the profiteers in their tracks (if you'll pardon the numerous train based puns!!!)???

Blame the bloody foreigners!

Yep, the TSSA – the union for people working in transport and travel – has created a video in which a Dutch, French and German person smugly "thank" us Brits for effectively subsidising their rail travel. This is because their (nationalised) rail operators can win contracts to run dreadful railways in the UK, milk the profit and plough it back into their own punctual, efficient, not-smelling-of-puke lines.

It's a worthy point, but while this isn't exactly a Britain First meme, is adding to the anti-foreigner feeling going around at the moment really the best way to get the message across?

HOW BAD AN IDEA IS THIS:
Momentum shared the video and Clive Lewis MP defended it, tweeting:

Let's give it the benefit of the doubt on xenephobia and just say it's not very good. It conveys the idea that the ordinary European travelling public are chuckling all the way to the bank, while leaving the smug grin of Richard Branson and his wealthy European counterparts well alone.

Just like Richard Madeley suggesting a mass boo-ing of Southern trains, TSSA have gone full Partridge here.

Fearless truth tellers/embarrassing Corbyn groupies, The Canary website, laid into notorious establishment shill Charlie Brooker and his programme 2016 Wipe, which might as well be called Tory Wipe, frankly.

In an article entitled "The jaw-dropping moment Charlie Brooker character-assassinated Jeremy Corbyn", they report:

"Charlie Brooker's  2016 Wipe descended into a hatchet job on Jeremy Corbyn in its section on the Labour leadership election… After Brooker showed a clip of Corbyn being unable to recognise TV presenters Ant and Dec, he joked, 'If you think that's tough, try getting him to recognise Ant n' Semitism.'"

"To those familiar with the Labour leader's lifelong anti-racism campaigning, this moment was especially unfair," said the Canary. Ah yes, that fun cool guy who points out the technical inaccuracy of people's puns.

The author also tweeted Charlie Brooker asking if the BBC sets "the agenda" for these shows, which went like this:

HOW BAD AN IDEA IS THIS?
Always a bad idea to try and pick fights with the professionally witty, especially if a newly populist Jeremy is going to have a regular "Corbyn Corner" slot on  The Last Leg.

@SimonChilds13

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