Time to get ourselves acquainted with those doesn't-even-have-a-sell-by-date foods at the back of our cupboard.
APOCALYPTIC DINNER FOR ONE - THE RECIPE
What with the world ending in 2012 and all, it's time to start thinking about worst case scenarios, like "what the fuck do I eat in an apocalypse?" You're not going to be able to get a Dixy's bargain bucket when most of the population has been horribly radiated to death, so you'd better get yourself acquainted with those scary, doesn't-even-have-a-sell-by-date foods at the back of your cupboard.
1 x tin Spam
1x packet powdered batter
lots x seasoning
1 x packet Smash
1 x tin mushy peas
lots x gelatine
lots x Kool-Aid
Chop Spam into slices, the chunkier the better.
Then mix together your dry powdered batter with some seasoning.
Now dump in the Spam slices and give them a dust bath in the batter until well covered.
Fry Spam until golden looking... or edible, whutevs.
Put dry smashy potatoes in a bowl.
Dump in mushy peas and stir until it's all a green sludge. That's literally it.
MASS CULT SUICIDE JELLY
Melt the powdered gelatine in water.
Next, dump in A LOT of Kool-Aid powder in and stir until smooth.
Pour the whole thing into a jelly mold, brain shaped obvs, unless you're boring.
Leave to set.
Serve everything up in your bunker and share with nobody. Happy Apocalypse idiots!
Previously: Girl Eats Food - Filipino blood Stew
Really fucking hungry? Check out Joanna Fuertes-Knight's (totally free) online cookbook! It's got every Girl Eats Food recipe ever in it.