Mortgage Pipe Dreams
RESEARCH SAYS THERE'S A 90% CHANCE YOU'LL NEVER OWN A HOUSE
Nine in 10 modestly-paid young people will probably never get on the UK property ladder

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The future will be a good time to be old and rich, as an analysis by think tank Resolution Foundation revealed that nine in 10 people under 35 won't likely be able to afford a house in the UK by 2025.

People aged 45 and older now make up about three-quarters of all homeowners, while those aged 16 to 34 account for about 10 percent of all UK homeowners – down from 19 percent in 1998, and representing an overall drop of 49 percent, according to the Telegraph.

"If that pace of decline continues, we can expect home ownership to be available to fewer than one-in-ten by the end of the next decade," said Matt Whittaker, chief economist at the think tank. "With the average modest income household having to spend 22 years to raise the money needed for a typical first-time buyer deposit – up from just three years in the mid-1990s – it's no surprise that owning looks so out of reach," Whittaker told the Guardian.

It used to take people about three years to earn enough to buy a house? What a time to be alive.

Seasonal Cliches
SOME GUY PROPOSED TO HIS GIRLFRIEND ON A MAGAZINE COVER
The Observer gave over its magazine cover to a guy on one knee, brandishing a ring

COVER STORY: Will you marry me? A reader pops the question in the — Observer Magazine (@ObsMagazine)February 14, 2016

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A grown man went for full-throttle Valentine's Day, proposing to his long-term girlfriend by taking over the magazine cover of the Guardian's sister newspaper on Sunday. He's called James, she's called Katie and according to the Observer's Twitter account she said yes.

This happens a lot on the Ritzy cinema display in Brixton, but may be the first time a national UK paper has embraced the public proposal stunt trend in print. Other public proposal ideas done to death include flashmobs, Jumbotron screens at sporting events and using people singing on the tube or in the street as a sort of proposal choir.

James and Katie, meanwhile, are "renovating their new house in south London and tentatively planning for the future".

PrayForDawkins

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The Church of England's communications team wrote a blogpost on Saturday, clarifying that they weren't in fact trolling with a tweet sending "prayers for Prof Dawkins and his family," following the notorious atheist's recent stroke and hospitalisation.

The tweet inspired both support and incredulity, with some thinking the church genuinely wished Dawkins well and others finding it hilarious that they would send prayers to someone who doesn't believe in god or the relevance of prayer.

"One author and comedian suggested we were 'taking the p**s'," read the blogpost. "One news site even suggested that by offering to pray for Dawkins of all people the bishops controlling the account had clearly 'been at the sherry'." The church was, it said, not aiming for satire.

Elephantine Friendzone
A "HEARTBROKEN" ELEPHANT WENT ON A RAMPAGE
The male had apparently been rejected by a possible mate, so trashed about 15 cars

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A male elephant dented 15 cars on a street in southern China, after reportedly storming out of a nature reserve when a rival male got off with the elephant's desired mate. Once on the street, the elephant started to knock a few cars around, much to the delight of tourists in the area.

"The tourists were quite excited to see a real wild elephant, and they were using their cellphones to take photos and videos," the Xishuangbanna prefecture government said, as reported by the Associated Press. "Even the owners of some damaged cars found the experience to be thrilling and very interesting, although their cars got scraped."

Staff from the nature reserve said the elephant was "moody" after being rejected, according to the BBC, and government officials have said they'll cover the cost of damages to people's cars.