10 Bogan Jokes

Bogans are basically the Australian equivalent of hosers

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07 December 2009, 8:27am


This is a new deal where each week we take the national whipping boy for a different country and let our friends from that country whip him in the traditional manner in order to promote greater cultural understanding and chuckles. We'll start with the basic ones (hosers, hippies, gypsies) and progress to more exotic fare down the line (slovaks, hutus, pitcairners). Up first: bogans.

Bogans are basically the Australian equivalent of hosers, with a light dusting of chav and just a teensy pinch of uzbek. Good examples include the orphan from 42Up who gets adopted by Australians and that Cory kid who threw the party at his parents' home last year. Bad examples include the ones responsible for the Cronulla Riots and pretty much any Australian you've met on vacation in South Asia.

Like more parts of Aussie culture than most of us want to admit, most bogan jokes are just minor adaptations of existing English and American jokes. Here's 10 of our faves.

Q: How do you know if you're a bogan?
A: You let your 15-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

Q. A fat and a skinny bogan jump off a cliff at the same time to see who'll land first. Who wins?
A. Society.

Q. What does a bogan use as protection during sex?
A. The bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a 30-year-old bogan girl?
A. Grandma.

Q. Why did the bogan cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.

Q. What do you call a bogan girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. What's the first question during a bogan quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Two bogans are in a car without any music, who is driving?
A. The policeman.

Q. What's the difference between a bogan boy and a bogan girl?
A. The girl has the higher sperm count.

Q. Why wasn't Jesus born in Sydney?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.