GET WEIRDLY CHUMMY WITH YOUR BOSS

Ah fucking hell, you were walking with your beer towards the toilet and you made accidental eye contact with your boss – did the little ‘I recognise your power but Let’s Not Chat’ boss move, which is a tight smile and a little nod-of-the-head-with-eyebrow-rise-dash, but their top button is undone and their face is already a little jolly and droopy and they hook you with a single arm – “Ah, [ your name!],” they say, and you’re genuinely surprised they know it, “come here, meet the gang”, and now you’re in a weird four-way conversation with three strangely tall lads in their forties who all seem to know what ROI is and have no idea that haircuts have changed in style since the year 2000, and you’re trying to nod along a little – maybe let out a small "ahuh, ahuh" ­– then your boss pats you conspiratorially on the back and says, “I don’t have a fucking clue what they’re on about either,” and then, quickly, “Drink?” and now you’re at the bar doing sambuca with the person who had to call a department meeting to ask you all to stop shitting up the toilets, and they don’t know that quite a lot of those paper rolls that got jammed in the pipes were you.