I Made a Personalised Mouth Piece That Helps You Give 'Better Blowjobs'

With the help of artist and dentist Kuang-Yi Ku, I made a personalised BJ retainer that he believes with be the start of the next big sex trend.

|
Nov 4 2016, 12:05am

Being able to see people naked just by putting on Google Glass! VR shags with people on the other side of the world! AI sex robots that look inconspicuously like Scarlett Johansson! The future of sex is wild and imaginative, and although we don't know what shit currently being thrown at the wall will stick, it's certain that the physical experience of sex is going to get better, even if the emotional, psychological and human side doesn't.

The focus has been on virtual reality and robotics for the last couple of years – poor old sex toys seem antiquated now, don't they? The humble butt plug a remnant of the 1990s; the iconic Hitachi Massage Wand no longer the the Cadillac of vibrators, but mistaken by children watching Sex and the City reruns for a retro microphone. As for sexual body modification, the last we heard was dick pumps from mail order catalogues and myths about Marilyn Manson's missing ribs.

But one man wants to change that. Artist and dentist Kuang-Yi Ku brought his Fellatio Modification Project to London and held a workshop that promised to explore ideas about how dentistry could change the future of sex. Participants in this three-hour session would use the London Dental Education Centre in conjunction with the Science Gallery London to design and make dental retainers in whichever ways they thought would most increase sexual pleasure during blowjobs.

I couldn't really imagine sexily grinning and popping in a mouthguard pre-coitus, but still, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to make the best BJ mouthpiece this city had ever seen.

The author having a nice little squash before making her blowjob mouthpiece

People attending the event were a mix of legitimate dentists, horny students and people with a lot of piercings. Naturally, I fit right in. My only concern was that I don't have a dick, so don't know what size and shape of rubber would feel good on one.

That said, the room was kitted out with anything we might ever need to perform sexy dentistry: probes, scalers, even some nasty fake heads that looked like those slobbery first aid dummies at school no one wanted to kiss. With their mouths already wide open, they were ready. And with my gloves and apron on, so was I.


WATCH: Making The World's First Male Sex Doll


Ku explained that his idea for the Fellatio Modification Project came from his dentistry lessons. He realised that in his chosen field there are only three main functions of the mouth: aesthetics, pronunciation and chewing. But that's just not true – we all know that there's another main function, and that it involves other people's genitals. Why, Ku wondered, is sex undiscussed in his dentistry textbooks? It was this that inspired him to work towards extending the function of the mouth: to make it better at giving blowjobs.

I'd assumed this whole thing wouldn't have been a woman's idea, and would have put money on it being the passion project of a straight man, but it turned out I was wrong. Ku, who's gay, said that because blowjobs are usually a central part of sex for gay men, he'd designed the project with them in mind.

These mouth guards were only the beginning of his project. He showed us a video of his imagined future of body modification, in which people could get textured patterns like those we were making for the retainer, only made of their cultured skin tissue, inserted under the roof of their mouth.

Seeing as we were going to be wearing our own designs, we had to get a mouth guard made. You wouldn't want to be giving a BJ with someone else's mouth rattling around in your own, would you? Ku came and shoved some of that gummy plaster in my mouth in a green mouth guard tray while I sat back and thought of England.

Honestly, it felt like the oral activity had already begun; I was huffing and breathing through my nose with my mouth full. But after my DNA and lipstick were smothered all over the putty, I had my imprint.

Looking at my skeletal mouth and the quite creepy texture of my muscular tongue in my hand, I thought about how much work that little mouth had done in 25 years. Ku was right: we do so much nasty stuff to it – terrible, unprintable things; throwing items in it this way and that. As such a key piece of equipment, why don't we upgrade them? They're so prehistoric.

I've had wisdom teeth taken out so I can chew food better; I've had hideous braces put in so my overall mouth looks better; why shouldn't we get some extra attachments to enhance other parts of our lives?

Anyway, dental students made up some plaster and put my mould in there to set.

While that was going on we had to get busy designing our mouthpieces. I was completely stuck.

The idea was to add little bumps, ridges and beads for added texture, but I had no idea where to start. Ask me to design a cunnilingus mouthpiece and I'm there, but I suppose there's still a lot about penises I don't know.

My eureka moment was remembering those Tenga wanking eggs that had the textured patterns inside – a bit like Fleshlights, but smaller. Those were fun, and the layout of the bumps inside seemed completely arbitrary. So I just guessed. How wrong could I be?

A few tears here, a few tears there. A fun sad face. Inspired by the cult classic Teeth, I designed one special edition with an angry ridge right up the front – surprise, guys! Pain!

To make the textured shapes we mixed two types of putty material together to make the mould, and grabbed whatever we could see to make the indents and bumps – wooden beads and a pen to make some spikes; that'd feel good, right?

Next we mixed together some powder and water that was supposed to replicate the texture of skin. I would love to give you the chemical names of these things, but I can't remember any of them. Either way, the mixture started to set very quickly, so I poured it into the little moulds and stabbed it a bit to get rid of air bubbles.

Meanwhile, the plaster cast of our mouths had set. Tragically, mine came out ruined. God must have seen my Teeth design and used his patriarchal might to punish me. Air bubbles had got in and left a lumpy mess. I had to redo it, which set me back more than half an hour.

Thankfully, the next one came out perfectly. It got put in a machine that inserted a piece of plastic between it and the cast, and got sucked into an exact replica. We got the little modifications out of their moulds and stuck them onto the plastic.

Some bastard had stolen the majority of them by the time I'd got my second plaster cast, so I just had to work with what I had.

I have to admit, it didn't look great – more like something I'd found collecting dust babies at the back of the work stationery cupboard than a sex tool. I was also concerned about those fleshy lumps throwing themselves down my throat and choking me mid-head. But once Ku had chiselled away the finished mouthpiece from the plaster and I was holding that little thing in my hands, everything was different.


WATCH: The Digital Love Industry 


Here she was: the final product, my personal ultra-BJ Nimbus 3000. One of the spoil sport team organising the event, for health and safety reasons, had to tell me I couldn't use it "too much" because it hadn't passed safety checks. Who was she to tell me I couldn't use my invention how I wanted? How many blowies is too many, anyway?

Hello, boys!!

I wanted to know what else Ku had in store for our sex lives. Turns out: a lot. Firstly, he's already created the Cunnilingus and Anilingus Project. This was what I'd been waiting for – a tongue modification that both prevents the spread of STIs and increases sexual pleasure for women. He envisages a world in which effective protection methods for oral sex don't prevent women from orgasming – a true modern hero.

With the LGBTQ community in mind, Ku is also working on a body mod that involves surgically extending the jaw so that a whole penis can fit into the mouth for deep throat oral sex.

Neither of these advancements seem out of the ordinary. In fact, I think they feel far more human and naturally progressive in the new territory they cover than VR sex. In the meantime, while we wait for the world to catch up with Ku's brilliant brain, it's just me and my ad hoc mouthpiece.

@hannahrosewens

More on the future of sex:

WATCH: The Digital Love Industry

The Future Of Sex Is Orgy Domes

How the A1 Became Britain's Sexiest Road

More VICE
Vice Channels