The Hangover News
Here's what happened IRL this weekend while you were busy losing your mind.
THE UN TOLD SYRIA OFF
They condemned the killing of over 100 civilians by Assad's troops
Over 100 civilians lost their lives in the Syrian city of Houla this weekend, as Bashar Assad continued his assault on his own people.
The shell attacks on residential areas drew condemnation from the United Nations Security Council.
The slaughter is one of the worst in the 14-month conflict that has gripped the country since people there started rebelling against the regime as part of the Arab spring.
On Sunday night, more shelling in the city of Hama claimed the lives of around 41 people after Assad's forces responded to attacks from the Free Syrian Army by opening fire on neighbourhoods.
It seems to represent a step-up in international tough talk against Assad, as Russia, Syria's ally, joined in the tongue-lashing for the first time.
William Hague, the British foreign secretary, has flown to Moscow to speak to the Russian government.
"In Moscow tomorrow [Monday]," he said in a Tweet. "Will call on Russia to support rapid & unequivocal pressure on Assad regime and accountability for crimes."
Meanwhile, the Syrian guy who's in charge of their Olympic committee is in a huff about rumours that the UK might ban Syrian athletes from this summer's games.
Mowaffak Joma has prickled at Nick Clegg's suggestion that members from the Syrian delegation with links to Assad's regime won't be let in the country.
Joma told the BBC that "If the British government has decided to ban anyone connected to the regime and to President Bashar-al Assad, I am telling you in advance they should ban all Syrian citizens, because we all support President Assad and support Syria."
And I'm sure that, were they able to now, the 32 kids under ten who lost their lives in the shelling of Houla, and the eight more who were killed in Hama, would pledge their support in a heartbeat.
A load more stuff happened this weekend. Go to page two to find out what it was.
SWEDEN WON THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST
Engelbert Humperdinck was humiliated
Sweden won this year's Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday night.
The final took place in the Azerbaijani capital of Baku. Swedish singer Loreen managed to rack up 372 points.
The UK's entry Engelbert Humperdinck got 12.
A NAKED MAN FOUND EATING ANOTHER MAN'S FACE WAS SHOT DEAD BY POLICE
Please don't comment saying "cocaine's a hell of a drug" because that joke isn't funny any more
Police found a naked man eating another man's face on Saturday.
He wouldn't stop, so they shot him dead.
Six times. They had to shoot him SIX times before he stopped chewing the other guy's face.
The victim's currently in a hospital bed somewhere, probably not feeling too good about life.
Miami police are looking into the possibility that cocaine psychosis was the cause.
MICHAEL HANEKE WON THE BIGGEST PRIZE AT CANNES FILM FESTIVAL
It's the second time he's won it in three years
Austrian director Michael Haneke won the Palme d'Or for the second time in three Cannes film festivals for his latest movie, Amour.
Apparently it's quite an emotional film, whereas most of the rest of the films he's made have been characterised more by brutality.
Amour tells the story of two old people who live together and one of them suffers a stroke.