What Do Hate Groups Think of Anne Hathaway?

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Have you ever met anyone who likes Anne Hathaway? No? Me either.

Even if someone doesn't know who she is, you can just show them a picture of her smarmy, drama school face or that clip of her saying "blerg" in an effort to appear human, and they'll be an instant lifelong "Hathahater."

Last week, I called a bunch of hate groups to see how they felt about Jennifer Lawrence, and it turned out they, like everyone else on Earth, all liked her (kinda). So I decided to call up a few more hate groups and see what their feelings were on Anne.

COUNCIL OF CONSERVATIVE CITIZENS

Who are they?

A white supremacist group who, among other things, are against racial integration, the gays, and interracial marriage.

What do they think of Anne Hathaway?

VICE: Could I just ask, really quickly, if your group has an opinion on Anne Hathaway? Do you hate her as much as the rest of the world?
Council of Conservative Citizens: Who's Anne Hathaway?

Catwoman in the new Batman movie? She just won the Oscar for Les Mis? Princess Diaries?
I don't know who that is.

You didn't see The Devil Wears Prada?
No. Why are you asking me this?

Because I really hate her. And I was just hoping to find some kind of group I can join that feels the same way.
Well, why do you hate her?

I don't know! It's weird. I can't quite put my finger on it. I think it has something to do with her face. 
Is she white?

Yeah, she's white. 
I don't know. We don't have an opinion on everything in the world. I don't look at many movies. But I guess my daughters or my son or my wife might have seen her in something.

Are they there? Maybe you could ask them what they think of Anne?
[to his daughter] Renee, do you know what the Princess Diaries are? [to me] Yeah, she's heard of it.

Ask her what she thinks of Anne Hathaway.
She just went to the other room…

Well, what kinda stuff is your group into? 
We're the voice of a no-longer-silent majority. We're paleoconservatives and populist conservatives.

I don't really know what anything you just said means.
We're like Andrew Jackson.

Was he Michael Jackson's dad?
No, no. He was the president.

What do you guys think of Michael Jackson? It must be a hard one for you guys, right? Because he used to be black, but then he was white. 
Oh, I don't know… I don't really have an opinion on him.

Is your daughter back in the room? Could you ask her her thoughts on Anne Hathaway?
[to daughter] What do you think of Anne Hathaway? [to me] She said she's a good actress.

Oh. Ok. Well, I should go. Have a nice day.
Well, if you have any specific questions about us, feel free to give me a call back. My name is Gordon.

That's kind of you, but I'm not sure I can join a group that has Anne Hathaway sympathizers among its members. 
Oh no, we're not. That's just my 22-year-old daughter.

Is she a member?
No, she don't pay dues. But she does help out a lot.

I'm sorry, that's a little too close to the organization for me. 
Oh, well, OK—

[I hang up]

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AMERICAN FREEDOM PARTY 

Who are they?

A political party founded by racist skinheads that aims to deport immigrants and create a white America.

What do they think of Anne Hathaway?

VICE: Hey, I was just wondering if you could tell me your group's stance on Anne Hathaway?
American Freedom Party: You know, I'm not 100 percent sure. I can transfer you over to our voicemail, and someone can call you back and let you know?

This is actually something I need a quick answer on. Could you just share with me your personal views on Anne?
I'm sorry, I'm not able to answer that.

You don't need to answer as a representative of your organization. I just wanna know what your personal thoughts on Anne Hathaway are.
[nervous, but also excited] I like her!

Really? How? She's the worst. 
No, I like her!

Ugh, why?
I don't know! I like the movies she plays in. I don't like what she looks like though.

Yes! Exactly. It's her mouth, isn't it? 
Oh my god! [realizing she probably shouldn't be talking about this] Please just let me transfer you to the voicemail. I feel so bad answering this.

But what is it about her face that makes her so detestable? I can't figure it out.
Oh my god! No… I can't… I can't answer this. I'm sorry! [hangs up]

NUWAUBIAN NATION

Who are they?

Black supremacist group who believe in a bunch of weird Egyptian stuff and UFOs. In 2004, their founder, Dwight York, was sentenced to 135 years in prison for child molestation.

What do they think of Anne Hathaway?

VICE: Hey there, I was just wondering if you could tell me what you think about Anne Hathaway?
Nuwaubian Nation: I don't have all that much information about her at all, actually.

You know who she is though, right?
No, I really don't, to be honest with you.

Huh. What kinda movies and stuff are you guys into?
Books on African history.

No movies?
Just movies on African history. That's all.

So you don't like any other type of movies? Just the ones about African history?
Yes. That's all.

What was the last non-African history movie that you saw?
Right now, that's all I'm into.

But you must have seen other films, right?
No… I don't know.

What about movies that everyone has seen. Like Jurassic Park? 
I haven't. Because African History is the only thing I'm into.

Toy Story? Everyone's seen Toy Story.
No.

So you guys are into nothing else, culturally? 
No. African history.

Because, like, I really dislike Anne Hathaway. And I'm just hoping to find myself a group of people who also harbor a similar hatred for her. 
Oh. Well, I don't know anything about her. So I don't know what to tell you.

Let me look at her IMDB, you must have seen something she's been in. She was in Les Miserable?
No, I didn't see that.

Devil Wears Prada?
No.

Brokeback Mountain?
No.

Dark Knight Rises?
No, I didn't.

Alice in Wonderland?
No. Is this going to be about African books or history? Because that's the only thing I want to talk about.

What about Princess Diaries?
[hangs up]

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WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH

Who are they?

The world's most dedicated trolls.

What do they think of Anne Hathaway?

VICE: Hi, Steve, what are your views on Anne Hathaway?
Steve Drain, Westboro Baptist Church: I'll happily talk to you about Anne Hathaway as long as you clear something up. In your last article you called us a "hate group." We are not a hate group, we are a love group.

OK.
From a Biblical perspective, we are a love group.

OK, I'll be sure to include that. So, what about Anne Hathaway?
You know, I'm a little puzzled. She's very talented, but it's not like she's way more talented than everyone else. But it seems like she's getting all the good gigs.

I think that's one of the reasons people hate her. Which of her movies have you seen? Did you guys see Brokeback Mountain?
I made lots of signs about Brokeback Mountain, and I've preached about it, but I just couldn't bring myself to watch a film where I knew there was gonna be some sodomy.

You also got to see Anne Hathaway's boobies in it.
Oh? That's a black mark against her, don't you think?

She kinda reminds me of a certain type of girl, and I'm not really sure if this is something you're going to be familiar with—but I'm gay, and there's like, a certain type of girl who I meet from time to time who's REALLY into the idea of being friends with a gay guy. And within, like, an hour of meeting me they'll be holding my hand while we walk down the street and asking for advice on boys and referring to themselves as my "fag hag" and just generally being really overfamiliar and annoying. Do you think she would be like that?
Yeah, sure. Anne Hathaway kinda seems to me like if Kathy Griffin had talent and looks.

Would you say that Anne Hathaway is the new Gwyneth Paltrow? I don't think anyone has been so universally hated since Gwyneth Paltrow. 
Well, I think it's a mistake for someone to hate somebody else just because they think it's the "in" thing to do. I don't think there's anything implicit about Anne Hathaway that makes her universally hateable.

I think maybe it's her face. 
I think what happens is, it kinda builds up steam because of the media. The media sort of tells people who to hate.

Do you think the same thing kinda happened with you guys?
I guess so. I think people don't have a bit of a problem with the members of the Westboro Baptist Church. We're cool people, we're funny, we're smart, we're hardworking. The only thing that makes you guys hate us is because we preach the word of God. Otherwise you'd be our BFFs.

Yes, you do seem like a very nice guy, Steve. If you weren't, you know, all religious and crazy, I could see us being friends. 
I know, we have fun. And if it weren't for our obedience to God, I think everyone would like us. What is Anne Hathaway hated for? Is she hated for her ideology?

I guess it's because she seems really phony. Didn't you see her acceptance speech at the Oscars? It was gross. 
It certainly wasn't the little cutesy thing that Jennifer Lawrence did. But I think, with those things, you'll just hate whatever somebody says, if it's somebody you already don't like.

That's not true. I think anyone, regardless of whether or not they even knew who Anne Hathaway was, would have seen that and been repulsed by it. 
Let me say something about the media: you guys can't go very long without trying to figure out who to hate next. Westboro Baptist Church loves you enough to say the truth, you guys are the real hate mongers.

Who else do you think has been a victim of the media's hatemongering?
Octomom! Remember Octomom? You love to build people up, and then you love to knock them back down. That's what you do. Like Mel Gibson. You guys hounded Mel Gibson incessantly, but even though you said some things for a few days, you gave Bill O'Reilly a pass. You gave David Hasselhoff a pass. You gave Alec Baldwin a pass. And those guys are all creeps. You guys pick and choose who to stay on. I think Anne Hathaway is more talented than you give her credit for, but you're not really in the mood to give her a free pass. Right now you've decided you like Jennifer Lawrence and you don't like Anne Hathaway, and that will be great until you decide the next ones you want to love and hate. Take Les Mis, for instance. I hate musicals. God hates musicals.

Why does God hate musicals?
That was a little joke. But check it out,  I don't like musicals at all, but everyone I've read and talked to thought Les Miserables was great. So why are we hating on the girl? She tried her best, she sang really well. She got screwed over by a Ponzi-scheme artist.

So, to summarize, you'd say you're team Anne?
No. If you wanna summarize my position, she's a fag enabler. I just try and enjoy somebody's talent and try not to mix in too much of what I think about them as a person. Because, when you think about that stuff, you're almost always disappointed.

@JLCT