Photo: Jamie Clifton
The spoon is designed to be left out. The spoon is a slim-to-no contact cutlery. The spoon has not been inside a human mouth. The spoon has taken one teabag out of a mug, and it might take another one out in a bit, if I fancy another mug. Are you telling me you want to dirty two spoons for two cups of tea from the same mug? No, because that's psychotic.The spoon is either on a small plate I keep next to the kettle especially for the spoon, OR the spoon is balanced on the edge of the sink in a configuration that is INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNISED as meaning "I might make another cup of tea in the next hour-and-a-half". II'm not shouting, it's just you always bring this up! It's a fucking spoon! I do the thing you moaned about with the bath mat! I started taking shorter showers even though the length of shower my body craves is hard-wired into me at a very base, organic level! I! Stopped! Talking! To! That! Friend! You! Don't! Like! Why do I spend every Sunday having an argument about you with a spoon! No, watch Deadpool 2 on your own, I can't be arsed! I CAN'T BE ARSED!SHORT-WINDED BREAK-UPLONG-WINDED BREAK-UP