Some important news from South Wales now, where a man has taken a shit on a pub table in front of a crowd of onlookers.
After Saturday's Six Nations rugby match between Wales and Scotland – in which Wales trounced their opponents – the people of Carmarthen were understandably jubilant, celebrating the win by drinking a lot of alcohol.
Unfortunately, reports Wales Online, one rugby fan took it ever slightly too far.
"There was a group of around 12 to 15 men who had come in after the rugby," Nicola Morris, the owner of Carmarthen pub the Dog and Piano, told Wales Online. "I was walking around the pub when a member of staff came over and alerted me to what had happened: someone had defecated on the table at the front of the pub. Another one of the group had then got an empty pint glass and stuck it in the mess."
Some of the shit-squad left immediately, said Mrs Morris, while others remained to watch staff clean up the table. All of them are barred for life for their "pathetic and disgusting behaviour", she said.
A letter of apology was pushed through the pub's letterbox yesterday, with the apparent culprit expressing his "sincere apologies", blaming the consumption of "too much alcohol" and offering to make a charity donation.
For Mrs Morris, though, it was an unforgivable offence. "What happened is beyond belief and it sickens us to the pit of our stomachs," she said.
Hey, at least the guy didn't follow up his public defecation with five lines of cocaine and a 40-minute wank in the pub's beer garden.