Your Basic Election Questions… Answered!

It's not just going to be Donald Trump's mouth left open and dribbling at everything we've woken up to. Today is a confusing day. Parliament is hung, people are talking about the Queen and I have absolutely no idea where the DUP have popped up from.

Like Trump, I need someone to sit me down, feed me a Petits Filous and calmly explain what the sweet fuck is happening in layman's terms. Thankfully, VICE political person Simon Childs can do just that.

Despite the Corbphoria sweeping the young, city dwellers and basically anyone reading this article, the Conservatives got more seats than Labour. Seems like an obvious statement, but while the reds won, they didn't technically win.

Some loyal Conservatives on the rolling news have been saying the Tories need another election contest like they need a hole in the head. Meanwhile, insiders close to movers and shakers in the party are saying Theresa is toast. Her stock has plummeted. Surely she'll be gone… at some point.

But for now she's clinging on, and asking the bloody Queen to form a ruddy government.

Forsooth, we are mere subjects of the Monarch of yon realm. Unlike most people who lopped their monarch's heads off, Britain is still a constitutional monarchy. This means the leader of a party has to ask the Queen's permission to form a government.

Usually this is a fusty old anachronism that doesn't mean anything: Her Maj rubber stamping the people's choice. But with everything all confusing and weird, her power might have some actual significance.

Same as how the Lib Dems joined the Conservatives to give us the coalition under David Cameron. With the electoral maths this fucked, it's pretty clear somebody's going to have to prop somebody up.

So they're kinda like Trump in Northern Ireland. They're against the right to have an abortion. They deny climate change. Same-sex marriage is a "red line" issue that they refuse to cross. Back in the 70s their then-leader was behind a campaign called "Save Ulster from Sodomy".

They're now going to try to wring concessions out of May to back her up. Hopefully they'll just milk the situation for cash for Northern Ireland rather than trying to set society back 50 years.

Well, maybe. It's still up in the air, though – Theresa May is currently on her way to meet the Queen to chat it all over.

Labour's anti-Corbyn awkward squad really have nothing to say for now. Corbyn did better than anyone would have expected, and the naysayers in his own party are going to have to suck it up for now

@hannahrosewens and @simonchilds13

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