While boxed Fireball and deep-fried water are clear signals that end times are upon us, the Catholic Church—or at least its most well-known figurehead—is fixated on a more immediate threat: texting at the dinner table.
Pope Francis I, known as the chill-ass "liberal" pope who has his own Instagram and Twitter accounts and poses for mad selfies, warned youths that the seemingly innocuous behaviour of texting around the dinner table can even be a cause of "war."
"When we're at the table, when we are speaking to others on our telephones, it's the start of war because there is no dialogue." Francis recently told students at Roma Tre University in Rome, according to The Daily Mail. This might sound a little alarmist, but without Biblical verses about texting, emojis, or selfies to turn to, it's at least worth listening to what the man has to say.
"We need to lower the tone a bit, speak less, and listen more," he went on to say. "Dialogue which brings hearts closer together [is] a medicine against violence."
In other words, the dinner table is ground zero for breaking the proverbial bread of Jesus (and, in general, our family interactions); take these very basic traditions away, and there isn't much left in our society—or so the Pope seems to think.
This isn't the first time that the Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church has spoken out about the dangers of interfering with human interaction when it's time to mangiamo. And, no, sending peach and eggplant emojis to the dude you matched with doesn't count.
"In our families, at the dinner table, how many times while eating, do people watch the TV or write messages on their cell phones?" Pope Francis asked rhetorically in September 2016, according to the Catholic News Agency. "Each one is indifferent to that encounter. Even within the heart of society, which is the family, there is no encounter."
One year earlier, he made similar remarks about the coveted dinner table. "Sitting at table for the family dinner, sharing our meal and the experiences of our day, is a fundamental image of togetherness and solidarity," he told thousands of pilgrims in St. Peter's Square. "Sadly, the family meal, this great symbol of togetherness, is disappearing in some societies."
Clearly, Francis is on a crusade to preserve one of the last bastions of "togetherness and solidarity" in our depraved world, and he'll be damned if he's going to let emojis and right swipes get in the way of a good meal.
Now that you're done reading this, put your phone down and get back to eating.