Stories of the Most Ridiculous Things People Blew Their Student Loans On

The first time you get your student loan is kind of weird. You've heard all this stuff about how students have no money, mostly existing on a diet of baked beans and Kirov for three years. Then suddenly, a bigger lump sum then you've ever had in your life just arrives in your bank account, no questions asked. If you're smart, you save it up: rent and food bills are just around the corner. But you're a student, so you're not smart, so you spend it all in one weekend and then have to beg your parents for cash for the rest of term.

Some people are bad with money, and some people are really bad with money. These are some of the stupidest things people have blown their student loans on.

I once blew £500 of my loan on one night out. It was on a Politics society trip to Amsterdam in my second year. I was buying drinks for everyone, just kept ploughing through them and turning up with trays of shots. We bought coke off someone in the street, too. It only came flooding back the next day when I checked my statements. I rarely get black-outs, but it must have been a really messy night.

It would have been bad enough, but I had to pay rent the very next day. I literally had no funds and needed a quick fix. I ended up applying to an emergency bursary at uni. They asked me what my grounds were. I told them I overspent and genuinely couldn't afford to pay my rent.

I was told I'd have to provide bank statements. They couldn't believe it – someone from the office said, "What the hell is this?" It brought to life how shitty with money I really am. They gave me some emergency cash but made me attend counselling because of my "spending issues". It was like a group session. Would I say that I've learned from it? Absolutely not. I'm still like this. In fact, everyone knew me as the guy drowning in credit card debt by the time I graduated. I work in finance now.

I never had any money to spend on clothes when I was at sixth form, so once I suddenly had all this cash I didn't even think about saving it. The day my loan dropped I went crazy and blew most of it at Topshop. That night I ordered more clothes online. I ended up having to plead with my parents to pay my rent. Not long after, I found out about ways you can buy stuff without having to pay upfront. I went on crazy shopping sprees in H&M, where you're allowed to pay a month later. I bought loads of stuff even when I knew I no longer feasibly had the funds for it. The term ended with H&M sending a letter to my parents' address with strict instructions that I was going to be taken to court that month for failing to pay off the last instalment of my debt: a measly £17. All that for a pom pot hat and a ruched skirt.

I would say I have an addictive personality, and one night at uni I decided to smoke a few joints with some guy. It kind of snowballed from there. At the beginning, I didn't spend a lot on weed, maybe £20 a week, and I'd smoke only on weekends. But as the year gradually went on, I'd spend maybe more towards £40 or £80 a week. I would wake up, roll a joint and start smoking. I would have maybe ten joints a day.

Sometimes, I was waiting to get money at the end of each month, so I'd have to make the choice between food and weed. Weed usually won, so I would have to spend a couple of days without really eating anything. Usually I'd play video games to distract myself from the hunger. That kept it at bay. I remember craving Doritos, chips, pizza, burgers, stupid sweets like those strawberry laces and Haribo. All the stereotypical stoner food. Up until then, I was doing really well on my Chemistry degree – I was getting firsts on exams – but I actually ended up dropping out because of it. It made me not care about my family, not care about my job and my health as well. Essentially, it ruined my life. I'm so glad I've moved past it.

It must have been a Monday. My student loan had just come in and me and my mate wanted to go all out and get some beers, but everywhere was shut. Just as we were about to head home, we ended up walking past some bloke with a flyer saying how good this bar was – "Lots of ladies in," he told us. It didn't click straight away, so we paid a tenner and walked in.

It quickly became clear we were the only two guys in a strip club with about eight girls having the quietest night of their life. I started blabbing that my loan had just come in, and the moment I said, "Put my card behind the bar" was when it all went downhill. Next thing I knew, all these girls asked for a drink. That was the first £100 gone. Then I bought a round of tequilas next and, before I knew it, I got dragged into this room – I say dragged, we hardly put up a fight – and had a dance or two. Then the girl asked me if I wanted the VIP package. I went upstairs and it was just the same dancers, but this time they just started rolling about on the floor kissing each other and throwing their knickers about. A spectacular sight on a Monday night. I was so battered that they probably just took advantage of that. I was penniless for the rest of the term, but I had the time of my life, to be honest.

My mates and I saw the Secret Life of Pets film, then afterwards we went for McDonalds. I didn't have enough money for a regular meal and I ended up buying a Happy Meal, which came with a free Secret Life of Pets toy. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but me and my mates started a competition to see who could complete the set first. As it was approaching the end of term, we'd head to McDonalds every day. By that point my loan had come in and I was spending it all trying to get the right toys. I felt fat and greasy and had so many spots. It was totally worth it, though: I won. I only stopped when they stopped selling them. You'd think I'd never have a Happy Meal again, but it hasn't stopped me – I had two yesterday.

@its_me_salma

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