Life

Are You Getting Any? The Problem with Video Sex

Dani was seeing someone before the coronavirus lockdown, but now they're isolating apart. Here's why she's hesitant about sexy video chats.
31 March 2020, 9:15am
Video Chat Sex and Sexy Video Chat with a Partner While Self-Isolating
Don't worry, Dani *is* social distancing! She Skyped me from her car, parked just outside her house. Screengrab by VICE. 
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Welcome to 'Are You Getting Any?', a column that asks a generation rumoured not to fuck if they in fact fuck.

This week, we bring you a special self-isolation edition of Are You Getting Any?, conducted via a Skype video call.

DANI, 19

Quality of sex overall: 7/10
Frequency of sex: 7/10
Intimacy levels: 8/10
How do you feel generally about the people you fuck: 8**/10
**How happy are you with the amount of time you have for sex
: 6/10

VICE: Hi Dani! Is the lockdown affecting your sex life?
Dani: I was seeing someone but because of the lockdown, he had to go back to the States. Right now, it has been a week. At the moment, it’s fine, I haven’t felt oppressed or anything. [_Laughs_].

That’s good. I guess no one knows how long it will be for sure.
With the whole climate of this thing, everything is very uncertain. It’s a little bit stressful, I suppose, not knowing what’s going to happen next or when you’ll be able to see them again.

Before lockdown, could you go a week or two without having sex?
I don’t know yet, I haven’t had a long period where I haven’t been seeing someone. I actually only lost my virginity last October and then I slept with one other guy after that, who I was seeing. The last guy who has just left, we’ve been seeing each other since December. So, I wouldn’t know how long I can go without it.

How do you think you’ll feel at the end of a potential six-month lockdown?
It’s going to be a little bit difficult. Even when we are together, we have sex once or twice a week. Sometimes, if we’re waiting one weekend to the next weekend, I would find that I would get eager towards the end of the week before I met up with him. I think in maybe another week or so, I’m going to start feeling it. But there’s just nothing you can do, no one is going anywhere!

I’d really recommend a sexy video chat for when you start feeling it.
[_Laughs_]. No, I can’t do that kind of stuff.

Photos courtesy of Dani.

Oh, really?
It’s a bit awkward. I would probably try it out, but at the moment, it’s kind of a last resort thing for me.

What do you think our relationship with sex will be like, post-pandemic?
People are going to be really desperate for human intimacy after this. People will be sleeping around more, just because they’ve been locked up for weeks. Even after a month, it’s still not going to be fully back to normal, so I feel like people are going to want to be with someone.

How are you feeling about the lack of intimacy?
I’m from Ireland, but a lot of my friends are from the States or from China and stuff. Their boyfriends are also not from here, so everyone is in a situation where they’ve been separated from the person they’re seeing. It’s put a lot of strain on people and we talk about it often. You’ve gone back home and you’re staying with your family, and you just want some intimacy. You’re all alone. It’s nice to FaceTime but you don’t feel the same when you can’t see them.

Dani, speaking with the author over Skype. Screengrab by VICE.

OK, so cast your mind back to before lockdown. What do you think of the British Medical Journal research? Is social media to blame for us all shagging less?
It depends on the person. Some of my friends were with someone, and it was regular. But if they weren’t with someone, it would be a once-a-month kind of thing. I actually don’t think people have sex that much, it’s kind of a once- or twice-a-month kind of thing.

Why is that?
I think because everyone’s so busy. It’s very hard to meet people, I find. Everything is online. A lot of my friends use Tinder or Bumble to meet people. It’s very hard to meet people in real life, so you don’t get to form proper connections. If you’re meeting someone on Tinder or Bumble, it’s going to be a one-time hook-up.

You said that you lost your virginity last year. What’s your relationship with sex like?
I only have one other friend who is the same age as me, who hasn’t done it yet. but everyone else had [had sex] two or three years ago. I was a bit late, but I grew up in a very traditional household and my parents don’t know at this point. But I never had a weird mentality about it – like, thinking it was super sacred or anything. I always just had this mentality that it was just something you do. My first time was actually a Tinder hook-up. I didn’t plan it. We just met up for drinks and then I went back to his place. The first time was so awkward. I can’t say it was bad, but it was pretty awkward. At the same time, it was decent for what it was.

A glowing review for a first time!
[_Laughs_]. I just don’t see it as something sacred that you have to do with someone you really love or anything, it’s just that there's a first time for everything and you just do it. When it’s over, it’s over. So, it was never something that I held onto deliberately.

So, was your first time as soon as you went to university?
My parents are quite strict, so when I was living at my parents' place, I didn’t really have the opportunity to. When I went to university, I got to meet more people. If I didn’t go to university in a different city, it probably wouldn’t have happened until I graduated.

Thanks Dani. Stay safe!

@nanasbaah

If you’re 18-30 years old and want to be featured in the Are You Getting Any? series, send an email to nana.baah@vice.com with the subject Are You Getting Any?