The Pakistani Christians Who Worship Nigel Farage

Nigel Farage is a Christian prophet, a holy man in direct contact with God whose true purpose on this earth is to lead us from the darkness into the light. Gone is the red wine, having been upgraded to an English pale ale and cigarettes. Shelved too is the idea of saving us from our sins, in favour of pointing out the sins of bloated European bureaucracy. Nigel is truly on a mission to defend Judeo-Christian values around the globe, and we've all missed the signs.

This is the view of one Christian group in Pakistan, led by Francis Bashir, an evangelical Christian pastor in Lahore. He leads a congregation of around 200 families who all believe that Nigel Farage and UKIP will save them from their plight. Pakistan is a notoriously hard place to be a Christian or part of any religious minority group, due to their strict anti-blasphemy laws, which often result in the mob killing of those accused of insulting Islam.

The Royal Disciple Church on the outskirts of Lahore has operated as a church for decades and has long been a central hub to the small Christian community there. It is only relatively recently that they discovered the teachings of Nigel Farage, after Pastor Bashir had an epiphany from God introducing them to their tweed-ensconced saviour.

Pastor Bashir has been continuously praying for three years now, that Nigel Farage will become Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. He states that "Jesus has guided me to pray for UKIP and Mr Farage", and his belief is that Nigel will end the persecution of Christians in Pakistan, once and for all. Speaking to the pastor via Skype, he explained to me that "Nigel is a good man, he's a very honest man and a very faithful man".

Analysing some of the former UKIP leader's speeches, I couldn't help but think we've perhaps all just missed the telltale signs of a true defender of the faith at work. "We have been too weak – my country is a Judeo-Christian country, so we've got to actually start standing up for those values," Nigel exclaimed in 2014 while being interviewed on Fox News.

Upon further examination of the life and teachings of Nigel of Bromley, a clearer picture of his messianic qualifications begins to emerge. When Moses ordered the Egyptian Pharaoh to let his people go, truly how different is that from the plea of Nigel Farage to EU President Jean-Claude Juncker: "We must break up the Eurozone. We must set those Mediterranean countries free."

If you're not yet convinced, try reading the biblical verse Ezekiel 13:14, which states: "So I will tear down the wall which you plastered over with whitewash and bring it down to the ground, so that its foundation is laid bare," a clear mirroring of Nigel Farage's impassioned call to "be out there trying to bring down this monstrosity that has been put upon the people".

Pastor Bashir and his flock take communion in Purple UKIP rosettes and use both the imagery of Nigel Farage and UKIP banners in conjunction with more traditional Christian iconography for a Sunday service. The pastor explained to me that he is friends with the UKIP chairman Steve Crowther, who cordially invited him to Doncaster for the UKIP party conference in 2015. Sadly, due to financial issues, he could not attend.

If Pastor Bashir's dreams of coming to the United Kingdom to meet Nigel Farage never do come to fruition, he won't fret, as God made clear to him that Nigel will imminently be coming to Pakistan, which will herald the end of Christian persecution and the dawn of a new age. The pastor told me in no uncertain terms that "I know God will guide him to come to us and watch over us; many millions of people will be available when he arrives in Pakistan."

I asked Pastor Bashir how, despite his prayers, he expected Nigel Farage to become a UKIP Prime Minister in the United Kingdom, seeing as he is no longer the party's leader. His explanation was that "only God knows when he will be Prime Minister and all we can do is pray", but he feels fairly certain that it will be at the next general election in 2020. The Pastor also added that God had mentioned to him that he also happened to support current UKIP leadership candidate John Reese-Evans.

This October, the church of Pastor Bashir will be holding its annual Christian outreach festival to spread both the teachings of God almighty and Nigel Farage in the hope of accelerating his progression to the seat of political power. For his part, Nigel has refuted that he has been "sent by God", instead stating, "I'm not the Messiah, I'm a very naughty boy."

@thejakewarren

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