We Made People at Glastonbury Share Their Hangover Cures

Let me explain a little something called ‘Newton’s Third Law.’ The theory, which was proposed by Sir Isaac Newton in 1686, states that for every action in nature, there is an equal and opposite reaction. In other words, if object A exerts a force on object B, then object B also exerts an equal and opposite force on object A. You have probably not thought about this theory since GSCE science. Except you do sort of think about it, all the time, when you try and cheat the sesh.

If you drink seven whiskey and cokes followed by a shot of tequila and a warm can of lager with lines of coke in between, you’re going to feel like death the next day. That’s Newton’s Third Law. You can’t borrow energy from yourself, and not expect it to hit you in the face like a brick later. Even so, many of us try and get around this little facet of science. Berocca. Hydration tablets. Milk Thistle. 5HTP. Three pints of water before bed. The list goes on. There are hundreds of different ‘hangover cures,’ each with varying results.

Which ones work best though? Everyone swears by a different thing, as if they themselves have cracked the secret. Really, no method will fully eradicate a hangover other than not drinking in the first place. But some ‘cures’ admittedly do work more than others. So, seeing as I’m at Glastonbury right now, and never again will I be around quite so many hungover people first thing in the morning, I thought I’d do some important research. I ran around the tents asking those who have just woken up feeling like pure shit how exactly they intend on making themselves less like pure shit.

VICE: What's your tried and tested hangover cure?
Alice: Coconut water the next morning. And anything high in potassium, like a banana. Also, I snap a cucumber in half, like this *shows cucumber stump* and eat that.

Oh wow, you've really got this under control.
It's a drink and food all in one. And it contains antioxidants.

I have to try this. Is the cucumber thing something you do at home, or just Glastonbury?
I don't really go out. I only really go out once a month, and I only get wrecked maybe four times a year.

VICE: What's your hangover cure then?
Layton: I also go for the cucumber half. I've also chugged about three bottles of water this morning. I've also taken some St. John's wort.

Wait, what does St. John's wort do?
It's just another herbal remedy. So it makes you feel a bit less crap if you feel crap.

Any other tips?
No, these do me.

VICE: How hungover are you on a scale of one to ten?
Shauna: Maybe like a five?

And what are you going to do about that this morning?
Milk thistle works every time for me. Either soluble or straight up. So I'm going to have one of them. I've also already had a rehydration sachet in some water.

Your hangover cures don't sound dissimilar to mine.
It's great. You have a Milky before you sleep, or first thing in the morning, and your liver is basically cleansed.

Hope you feel better Shauna.
Oh, I do already.

VICE: Hey how do you cure your hangover?
Linda: I always go for a bowl of fruit. A cup of tea, maybe two, and off I go.

Did you bring some fruit with you to Glasto?
No, but they sell it just down there!

Are you going to go down there in a minute?
I've already had it. With oranges and melons. And a cheese toaster. Been up since half seven. I feel grand.

At least some of us do, Linda!

VICE: What are you tried and tested hangover cures, you two?
Leo: …More drugs. No, water. Or avocado on toast.
Nina: Also coffee.
Leo: But we're not drinking this weekend. We just didn't feel like it. Good for you.
Leo: That's actually my best hangover cure: not drinking in the first place. So you two must be feeling quite fresh right now?
Leo: Definitely. And we've been here since Wednesday.

You both look fresh.
Leo and Nina: Thank you!

VICE: What's your hangover cure, Antony?
Antony: I have a bacon sandwich first, followed by a sausage sandwich.

So, meat basically. What do you have them with, what's the combo?
Antony: I have them with ketchup and white bread, preferably. But between you and me, my missus forgot the ketchup so we've had to have garlic mayo this time.

That's so sad.
It works, but it's not the same.

How is your hangover right now?
Worse than yesterday. We were up until 3.30AM? With a mixture of jagermeister, gin, tequila, beers…

Nice. Enjoy your sandwiches!

VICE: What's your tried and tested hangover cure?
Kate: Probably a negroni. A very boozy cocktail. So hair of the dog then? Do you use that same cure at home too.
Kate: …Yep.

@daisythejones / @bekkylonsdale