The VICE Interview: Stephen Graham

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the vice interview

The VICE Interview: Stephen Graham

"I was sat on the toilet, fire coming out of me backside and she held the bowl – that's how my wife expresses her love to me."

This is the VICE Interview. Each week we ask a different famous and/or interesting person the same set of questions in a bid to peek deep into their psyche.

Despite a habit of portraying characters that'd snap your neck like a Kit-Kat for sneezing out of turn (Combo in This Is England or, y'know, Al Capone), Stephen Graham is a warm, disarmingly lovely, bloke. Prior to the airing of Channel 4's The Watchman– where Graham plays another flawed man on the brink – we got him to explain why true love is a hot bowl of vomit. His wife, fellow actor Hannah Walters (This Is England, No Offence), got caught in the crossfire.

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What was your first email address?
I've never been any good at that. Hannah takes care of all that. But it's the one we've got now so I can't give you it, as I'd get all kinds of weirdos trying to send me things. I've only ever sent three emails in my life. [To Walters] I have sent one. I have! I've sent you one. A testing one! She says she never fucking got it. But I did send it! So, yeah, I'm not good at them.

What would your parents prefer you to have chosen as a career?
Anything I wanted, basically. My parents were nothing but supportive from the moment I said, "I like this, acting." When I was a kid at Overdale Junior School in Kirkby, where I'm from, there was an amazing actor called Drew Schofield, who was in a series called Scully. He came to watch his nephew in the play we were doing, and he said to my mum and dad, "I think your lad's got a bit of talent there, have you ever thought about taking him to the Everyman Youth Theatre?" And from that day I never looked back. It was all I ever wanted to do, so I kept at it doggedly, my parents supported me financially, mentally and spiritually through the whole journey of becoming the actor I am today, really.

Why did you break up with your first boyfriend or girlfriend?
The reason I split up with her, or rather the reason she split up with me, was that I kissed another girl while she was on holiday. My missus has never heard that one before. Bang out of order. I was 11.

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Stephen Graham in Channel 4's 'The Watchman'. (Photo by Laura Radford/Channel 4)

Would you have sex with a robot?
Fuck me, that is leftfield, innit? My wife has just said it would have to look like her. Well, I've kind of done that in real life. Before I met my beautiful wife, and that was 20-odd years ago. Yeah, why not. But not now I'm married.

Complete this sentence: The problem with young people today is…
They are not given enough opportunities. There you go. Fucking flipped that and reversed that on ya, didn't I? Wasn't expecting that. Yeah, there you go, there is my answer: not enough opportunities.

What conspiracy theory do you believe?
JFK was definitely assassinated by the CIA. Yeah. Definitely. That's based on things I've read, films I've seen and, come on, there couldn't have been one fella that did all that. He was a patsy, bless him, that Lee Harvey Oswald. No it wasn't him. It's not happening. It's impossible. The trajectory of the bullets, the speed of the bullets and… nah. It's just my personal opinion, but I definitely believe he was taken out, assassinated by someone closer to home, may we say. Wait – does this mean I'll never get back into America, if anyone reads this?

How many books have you actually read and finished in the past year? Don't lie.
Just shitloads of scripts. I haven't had a chance to read many books.

If you were a wrestler, what song would you come into the ring to?
Oh my God, that's fucking perfect – I'm doing a wrestling film next year. Can I have my own song though? Is it me, Stephen, or do I have to think of my character? "Scouse Man". That's a fucking great name for a wrestler. I could come out with big pans of Scouse and give them out. Me and my wife play this game often, but normally when we've got mates round and we're watching the boxing. Hannah's would be Rage Against the Machine, "Killing In the Name", because she's very angry. And mine would be Young MC, "Know How". You'll have to YouTube it, and you will see why it's a shit hot tune to come on to.

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Stephen Graham in Channel 4's 'The Watchman'. (Photo by Laura Radford/Channel 4)

I actually went to watch the wrestling a couple of months ago, in the local village hall. It's getting a big revival now. I mean, it'll never be ITV Saturday afternoons – sandwiches and crisps, watching that with your nana. That was legendary. The kids have got those tumbling mats outside, so the other day me and me nine-year-old son Alfie were having a wrestle, and Tomo [Turgoose] came round. Him and his missus had been to his brother's, and he called in on the way back. He had a little wrestle and Alfie nearly pulled Tomo's jaw out! Alfie got him in a headlock and Tomo was going, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Alfie's a legend.

You are having a conversation with a family friend, and they say something unequivocally racist. What do you do?
I'd tell them to not bring them comments or attitude or that way of thinking into my house, into my space. But they just wouldn't be my friend if they had views or thoughts like that. I'm mixed race myself, so I'd probably tell them how disgusted I was with them, and then I'd walk away.

If you had to give up sex or kissing, which would it be?
They go hand in hand. No, I'm not giving either of them up. I refuse. I'll take the Fifth [Amendment] – as the Americans say – on that one. You can't start one without the other, you know what I mean? That's like saying to me which child do you love the most, Grace or Alfie? I'm trying to answer your question, and give you a definitive answer, but I can't do it, I'm sorry. My own head won't let me.

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What's the grossest injury or illness you've ever had?
Oh! The grossest illness would be food poisoning – over the toilet. This is when you know someone really, really loves you, and this is how my beautiful wife Hannah Graham expressed her love for me. I was sat on the toilet, fire coming out of me backside, and she was holding the bowl while I was being sick in it, stroking my head saying, "It's okay, dear." Tears were streaming down me face, I had the worst food poisoning ever. That is true love.

'The Watchman' is on Channel 4 on Wednesday 24th August at 9pm

@samrowe_

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