How many hours have you spent envisioning that first pint down the pub after the lockdown is over? The warm June (?) sun on your arms as you lift the frosty drink to your lips. A packet of salt and vinegar crisps torn open in front of you. The sound of pub garden chatter punctuated by your friends’ laughter and someone smashing a glass. It could be 3PM, it could be 6PM – you have absolutely no clue because it’s your first time out of the house in months and your sense of time is distorted by the pure joy of being surrounded people you love and the sweet, drunk taste of freedom.
Since the 23rd of March, Britain has been on lockdown. All pubs, bars and restaurants have been forced to close and events across the country are cancelled. In the past, a good Saturday might have entailed a Subway on the way to the pub, then a late-night transition to Ormside Project and afters at your mate’s house as the soft morning sun creeps through the windows. Now, a dog coming within four metres of you on your Government-mandated walk or finding a bag of fusilli in Tesco is about as thrilling as it gets.
Despite how things feel now, the lockdown won't go on forever. It will end, and when it does, who knows what kind of celebrations we’re in for? The streets of all major cities will be so unhinged with freedom, so chaotic with energy, that it will basically be like New Year’s Eve b2b winning the World Cup final. It will be disgusting.
Instead of indulging in the sweet deception of nostalgia, we asked VICE readers and staff to look to the future and envision the outlandish and joyous plans they have for when lockdown ends. Then we got Alice Skinner to illustrate them.
“After-lockdown plan: attend a rave in a crowded club on molly, kiss strangers.”
“A tasting menu at a restaurant, 100-percent. Five-plus hours long.”
“I'm going to do a combination vegan food and pub crawl, possibly on foot if the weather is nice so as to ensure there's enough time (and energy burned) between establishments to become appropriately hungry again. So, it'll go: breakfast, pub, brunch, pub, lunch, pub, dinner, pub, new pub, another pub and then, realistically, Rowans [Tenpin Bowl], where I will drink too many vodka slushies and be sick on the Guitar Hero machine."
“Wild camping in Scotland with my girlfriend who I’ve been isolated from. My 30th has been cancelled, so we’ll pick a day and pretend it’s when life un-pauses.”
“I have a lover with health issues who I haven't seen since before this started, and it's making me quite sad. When we get out of hell, we've made plans to go to the countryside and take mushrooms together and lie about naked in the woods. And then stay in a swanky hotel and fuck each other all night. I seriously cannot wait to feel the touch of another human – my housemates all started dating / shagging during cuffing season, and now I'm surrounded by love, sex and affection 24/7 during lockdown. The minute this shit is over, I'm going to fill my boots too. Fuck coronavirus!”
“World's most satisfying haircut.”
“When the coronavirus is over, I’m definitely going to be having a threesome... or a foursome, or a fivesome. Or an orgy, or something.”
“Go to a rave with all the boys – preferably it’s still summer and it’s outside – and enjoy the inevitably lower drug tolerance that we are currently developing.”
“What I am going to do is: get my blonde friend to come to Highgate Woods where we will drink Prosecco and cast some spells to get us through the next few months.”
“I'm gonna order four Big Macs, a Chicken Legend, 20 chicken nuggets, and maybe some kind of McFlurry when McDonald's opens.”
“The minute corona is over, I'm booking a trip to Zanzibar with two of my best friends. I don't really have any plans for when we're there, I mainly just want to drink cocktails on the beach and stare at their faces. I will probably cry a lot. It's going to be glorious!”