And its angels are either KO'd in McDonald's or can't sleep for the pills.
Well shove an eccy up your arse! If there's any British city that can lay legit claim to paradisiacal status, it's probably Manchester.
We asked our Manc photographer Chris Bethell and his friend Bekky Lonsdale, to put together a photographic love story to the city for us. It didn't disappoint.
Here's what Chris had to say:
"Manchester's got everything except a beach," said Ian Brown once upon a time.
He neglected to mention dignity, however – something a lot of us lose in our youths when we dress in pantyhose and lose control of our jaws on a quiet night in.
Fair enough, Chris. Let's hear it for Chris's angels with displaced jaws, everyone (a greying Bez included).
Click on any of the pictures below to launch the gallery.
Think your town or city qualifies for paradise status? Send pitches to ukphotoblog at vice dot com.