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All the Things We Overheard at Glastonbury 2019

“Sorry lads, but I have the most beautiful ballsack.”

by VICE Staff; photos by Bekky Lonsdale
01 July 2019, 7:30am

Peculiar things happen to the human brain at Glastonbury. Something about the combination of its magnitude, lawlessness and environment custom-designed for getting rat arsed in for three to five days in a row, means that people tend to: a) do a lot of haunted staring into the middle distance at regular intervals and; b) dramatically lower their inhibitions. This can manifest in various different behaviours, from sitting at the Stone Circle at 6AM with your balls out talking to someone called 'Freedom Mike' about DMT, to simply engaging in an astonishing amount of chat about bowel movements. It's a strange and unpredictable land, but when you gather hundreds and thousands of people together like this one thing that's guaranteed to happen is they'll all spend the entire weekend talking absolute dross.

Crowd Shot Glastonbury Festival 2019

"I don't need anyone to contact my dead nan or anything, I just need them to sort me out."

"I can't be being told the planets are dying when I'm on this comedown."

Guy 1: [Singing at 11PM on Wednesday ] "We still got Thursday! Friday! Saturday! Sunday!"
Guy 2: That’s good maths.

“It’s just mushroom energy.”

“I’m just so excited to share so much love at this festival.”

"I can't believe we just cured our depression by laughing"

"My Co-Star at a glance: fear is contagious."

“There’s so many children here... Once I’ve seen them i can’t un-see them.”

“Sorry lads, but I have the most beautiful ballsack.”

“I’m coming up off that Benadryl right now.”

“My new year’s resolution is to stop taking ket.”

“I don't know what the solution is, if these people are right, we have twelve years.”

“Fuck that right now, carrying a bag.”

“Have you taken shrooms?"
“No..."
“Oh, I thought you had, we’re all on shrooms.”

“You’re rubbing your hands in self-love.”

“I wanna go swimming in the pond, that's my new summer brand.”

Crowd Shot Glastonbury Festival 2019

"I don't think corn on the cob is going to be able to fill any sort of hole.”

“Do you think you’re hard, not following me back on Instagram??”

[Sauntering through a muddy and packed Shangri La shouting] “HAS ANYBODY GOT ANY KET??"

“I feel so money supermarket.”

“Benny, place your two hands firmly upon your organ, and play the devil’s music” – Bjorn from Bjorn Again, on the Pyramid stage”

“For the last two hours I’ve been dancing with David and Victoria Beckham in The Park.”

“In my opinion Oasis are the best Beatles tribute band.”

“I just really need a shit, you know what I mean?”

“Well I’ve had a rehydration sachet so anything could happen, arse-wise.”

Crowd Shot Glastonbury Festival 2019

“Not being funny but I think Liam Gallagher might be, like, the coolest man ever to live.”

“I just went in the toilet after Caitlin Moran."

“Someone in the cubicle next to me was doing a very stressful-sounding poo.”

[Pointing at Janet Jackson dancing while on all fours] "Me, putting my boxers on in the tent."

“Last night I did a poo on the ground.”

All photos by Bekky Lonsdale.